Welcome to the new decade! January 1, 2020 is too epic of a date for me not to post anything, so I bring you... Baby Yoda Emapanda.
Welcome to the new decade! January 1, 2020 is too epic of a date for me not to post anything, so I bring you... Baby Yoda Emapanda. Our ...
Please excuse this huge picture of my face, but I think it best represents what I want to remember going into 2020 -- stop taking everything so seriously & just have fun with it.
Here are 20 things I want to work on in 2020.
Personal & Home
- Custom design my own 2020 planner
This is more like a 2019 goal, but I'm putting it here because I feel like I won't follow through on it otherwise. Coming into 2020, I want to get more organized and have a better system to be more productive. I've been trying various things like bullet journaling and making to-do lists all over the place but I have not been able to make it a regular habit. I've been seeing a ton of different types of goal setting notebooks and systems out there lately, but none of them fully captures what I need in a planner.
One morning, it became obvious what needed to happen. If I don't like what's out there, then I need to design and print my own. With one Google search, I found this inspiring blog post: 3 Steps to Design & Print Your Own Custom Planner for Under $10... that's all it took to convince me this is something I needed to do this year. I'm putting it as #1 because there's no backing out of this one even though this feels like it goes against my core belief that I should not be wasting my time on something I can just spend some money on. More to come on this one. 😄 - Journal at least 1x a week
Journalling is different than using a planner that's meant for productivity. I want to journal to just write some thoughts down. Comes from my 2019 insight of, if you don't write it down, you're going to forget it all. - Continue working on the house. Install our mudroom. Study if I'm feeling ambitious.
Home ownership (for me) means a never ending list of projects to do. Hoping I can get all the really big ones out of the way in the next few years though! I'm currently most excited about the mudroom. I want to install the PAX closet system from Ikea in the mudroom and hire a contractor to help me install the baseboards/crown molding on it so it looks fully integrated. Doesn't seem like TOO difficult of a task right? - Make wedding album
Yea, we got married in 2017, so.... I've lagged on this because I didn't want to choose my favorites. I love them all!! #indecisiveperfectionist - Make photo books for our travels
This goal is 80% for J, and 20% for me. We've been talking about doing this, but let's be honest, I'm the photographer and designer of the family so, it falls on me. - Work on my summer garden
This one easily doubles as spending some time with my dad (who's super into gardening). - Keep up reading habit - 24 books in the year?
Going to make this goal a flex goal and also count audiobooks if needed. ;)
Family & Friends
- Host the 10th annual Mas-giving
10 years ago, I hosted our friend's first ever "Mas-Giving", which is a cross between a Christmas and Thanksgiving celebration. I love that we have this as our unique take on "friendsgiving" and I'm proud to see it going strong 10 years later! Can't wait to do something extra for our 10th annual. :) - Recruit cousins to start a new tradition for my family (and then do it)
I'm a sucker for traditions. Originally this goal was going to be "Host a family gathering at home 1x a quarter," but I decided to think more expansively and figure out how to delegate. During my senior year of college, I started getting sappy that it was going to be our last year together in school. I decided we needed to see each other more so I started something we call "The Senior Project". Every month, we assigned someone to plan a fun event for us and it made it just that much more special to see each other and hang. I imagine this new family tradition can look something like that. - Host more dinner parties w/ friends. The one theme that excites me the most: Cook recipes out of the same cookbook
Maybe the only way I can make sure this happens is to put it on the calendar now. 🤔 - Birthday & Christmas Cards
Over the years, I've received a number of cards from friends for my birthday and Christmas. I rarely reciprocate and I've started to feel guilty for not writing back. It's always so nice to receive paper mail that's not some stupid bill or catalog.
The very practical side of me thinks that cards are dumb because it's a waste of paper and the Marie Kondo in me tells me that paper goods like this end up in the trash anyway. But, I'm starting to have a change of heart. I think it's a nice way to stay in touch with people who I don't see often. I also really enjoy receiving Christmas cards because it puts me in the holiday spirit. So, sorry planet earth, but I'm going to become a cards person for a year and see how it goes.
Health, Nutrition & Fitness
- Complete 2 cleanses: Clean Cleanse & Whole 30
As mentioned in my 2019 Year in Review, my cleanse game has been very off. I want to get back into the habit of doing them again because it's a good forcing function to get me to eat healthier and cook more at home. - Do a vegetarian month
This is something that I've thought about doing for a while now, but never committed to. I think this will be a fun experiement to add to my list of cleanses that I already do. Was talking to a vegetarian co-worker about this and he challenged me to do this in a month where I have to travel a lot for work so I can have more empathy for how it is for vegetarians who have to go to a lot of work events and then have no options. I'll think more about that. ;) - Do HIIT workouts 3x a week - planned with Natalie
Applying a few learnings from 2019 to my 2020 goals:
- I can not trust me to keep myself accountable for working out. I need a workout buddy to guilt trip me into doing it. Enter Natalie. (Thanks Natalie!!)
- BBG is good in theory, but we're too old for this. Natalie and I did a whole year of BBG (Kayla Itsines's Bikini Body Guide) together in 2017. We were in the best shape of our lives! After a whole year of laziness, we decided to try it again this year. We've learned that the workout is just too unrealistic for us to do long term (too much jumping and too much equipment set up for no good reason).
- 7 min circuits with 30 sec/1min rest in between. What we both like about BBG is that it's super short, only 30 minutes of your time, and that there's a pre-planned workout that we don't have to think about. This combo removes the friction of working out regularly. This year, we're going to create our own version of BBG -- still going to be challenging, but likely heavier weights, less jumping and easier to do from home.
- Be the type of person who works out (almost) every day
We all know the benefits of exercise. Recently I got a Peloton bike which means there's almost no reason for me not to just jump on the bike for 20 minutes to start the day. Going to see how I can make this a habit.
Blog & YouTube
- Start my YouTube channel & post at least 6 videos
Ever since I started my new job at YouTube, I've been recording a lot of videos of food in addition to taking pictures. I want to do something fun with that footage and also practice some of the advice that I regularly give to clients. - Create Templates for key blog post formats: City Guide, Restaurant Reviews
As much as I try to fight my identity as a Food and Travel blogger, those are my two genuine interests in life. So... I guess instead of trying to fight this, I'm going to put some work upfront to make writing these types of posts super easy. I've been thinking about creating pre-determined templates or forms that I can just fill in, kind of like my own version of Google Maps, Yelp and Trip Advisor --- but personalized. Do you see a theme here? (Ahem, #1 & #14 goals on this list.) - Finish out some of my "back log" content
No shortage of content ideas here, just lack of time or personal interest/motivation to do it. :) - Be more insights and data driven (like how I would advise people in my day job)
Something that I think a lot about is what I would do different on this blog if it was my full time job. To start, I want to be more experimental to make this more fun while also adopting a more data driven mindset. While I'm doing this blog as my own creative outline, I think it will be even better if it's actually being used by other humans.
Career
- Work
hardsmart and be nice to people
I have a set of OKRs at work that I'm clearly not going to list out here. But, here's some key themes of how I want to work differently this year: - Work smarter, not harder. I think I already work hard enough, so what needs to change is actually to work smarter and prioritize the projects and tasks that will make a meaningful difference.
- Delegate where possible. I have a tendency to want to do it all myself, but if I want to working smarter, I need to learn how to recruit help where possible and use all the resources that I have available to me.
- Chill out, it's all going to be okay. See "Futility Burnout". I'm learning to be less attached to specific results, but to enjoy the daily grind a little bit more. I get really stressed out thinking that I'm doing a terrible job if nothing ends up happening but in the grand scheme of things, I should just realize that it's all going to be okay.
Please excuse this huge picture of my face, but I think it best represents what I want to remember going into 2020 -- stop taking everythin...
Originally, I was going to use this post as a way to share a few things I wanted to remember from the year, similar to my 2013 year in review. "Here's some places I traveled to, restaurants we ate at" - you know the drill. But I recently finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and was inspired by his Annual Reviews.
James explains it best. He says:
But it's not just about looking back. A good Annual Review is also about looking toward the future and thinking about how the life I'm living now is building toward a bigger mission. Basically, my Annual Review forces me to look at my actions over the past 12 months and ask, “Are my choices helping me live the life I want to live?”Here are the questions he asks himself every year:
- What went well this year?
- What didn’t go so well this year?
- What did I learn?
The closest I've come to doing something like this on the blog was my 30 by 30 list, so I'm going to reference these two things as a guide for my 2019 Year in Review.
Let's get started. :)
Let's get started. :)
1. What went well this year?
★ Settling into my "dream job". My work life has changed a lot since my 30x30 list from 4 years ago. Under Personal Growth, my first goal was Get a promotion.When I originally wrote down that goal, a promotion was the only career goal I could come up with. At the time, I was really struggling with where I wanted my career to go and what I had to do to get there.
In my last 8 years at Google, I've bounced between many different roles in digital advertising. I felt like Goldilocks, just trying different things to figure out what felt just right. First, I was in a technical role and quickly realized that there was no way I was going to keep up with my coworkers who coded all day long for fun. So I tried a more sales-oriented role, but found myself telling clients "no" all the time because I understood too much of the technical side. I don't have the fluff in me to pretend I can turn water into wine.
I remember thinking early in my career how amazing it would to work at YouTube. I thought my dream job would be to help other content creators like me to be better on YouTube. It seemed like a great cross-over of things I enjoyed about my personal life (blogging & content creation), and work life (helping developers with our ads API). But, like I said, I had no idea how I was going to get there.Well, younger Noogler Shelly, I hope you're happy to know in 2019, you somehow landed that dream job you wanted. :) By some weird mix of luck and opportunity, I found the one job at YouTube that works on product innovations and content strategy for brands.
This job also gets major bonus points for creating some memorable 2019 moments like going to Sundance (and then awkwardly bumping into Awkafina by the bathrooms at her movie premiere. I asked her for a bathroom selfie because I have absolutely no chill ✌️). Or, that time I got a private tour of the Camp exhibit in a completely empty Met Museum in NYC after hours.
I have to constantly pinch myself and thank my lucky stars for having the opportunity to chase my passion projects.
★ Remodeling the house. Another 30 by 30 ambition: Figure out my decorating style and create one entire space in house that I feel is “Pinterest worthy” and then put it on Pinterest.
There's nothing more satisfying than being in a space where you feel a personal connection to every single little detail around you. Needless to say, this house remodel brought me a lot of anxiety as well. As a self proclaimed perfectionist and a generally indecisive person, I was paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong choice. In the end, it turned out way better than I could have ever imagined. But that didn't come without a lot of work and too much self-induced stress.
The most challenging part of this whole ordeal was we lived in the house during the remodel. While I'm thankful now that I had a chance to learn from a step-by-step tutorial of how houses are built, living through construction for more than six months was pretty draining.
Through this remodel, I have a better sense of my personal design aesthetics. As it turns out, although this is not a huge surprise to anyone who knows me, I really really love a strong black and white contrast with shiny things sprinkled in between. J and I also learned a lot about each other. If you thought planning a wedding was hard, a house remodel will surface up even more weird BS that you didn't know about your spouse ;).
When I find the time, I want to document some of the key decisions I made through the process and why I chose the things I chose. On Instagram, Pinterest and Houzz, you'll find a lot of inspiration photos, but no one goes into the details of how or why they ended up with the things they chose.
I've been getting a lot of those questions from friends going through the same thing and it'd be nice to remember for future reference. But for now, I'm SOOO happy that this is done and that I get to live in a home that truly feels like mine.
★ Growing my brain? (lol, wasn't sure what to call this one) By the end of 2018, I was feeling pretty fed up with social media and what I felt like it was doing to me. I've vented about this subject in my blog post: Finding Balance: How I'm Rethinking My Content Strategy. But generally speaking, I feel that the influencer and social media culture that's developed in this decade has been eating away at my brain.
I came across this article titled The Pot-Belly of Ignorance that really hit the nail on the head for me:
Increasingly, we’re filling our heads with soundbites, the mental equivalent of junk. Over a day or even a week, the changes, like those to our belly, are barely noticeable. However, if we extend the timeline to months and years, we face a worrying reality and may find ourselves looking down at the pot-belly of ignorance.I'm very guilty of indulging in too much mental junk. In my spare time, I "read" too many click bait articles and waste my time scrolling through infinite feeds without any clear purpose. Yes, I have to pay attention to this space for my job, but I wanted to step away from contributing to it all on a personal level.
So in 2019, I tried to take a break from posting on the internet. When you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all. That kind of thing. I worked on spending time on content that I found worthwhile. In the middle of 2018, I started reading a lot more. A coworker of mine is an avid reader and suggested a few good ones to me.
If you told me 2 years ago that I'd be averaging reading a book a week, I would have told you that you're absolutely insane. Because... first of all, I don't like reading books. Also, I don't have enough time to read. Do these reasons sound familiar to you? Well, two surprising things happened.
- Turns out, I really enjoy reading! I only thought I hate reading because through my academic career, people kept assigned me books to read and afterwards, I had to write some bullshit paper about it. Now, reading books on topics that I actually find interesting is... dare I say it? FUN?!
- When you spend less time on social media, you have more time to do other things, such as reading. 😱Say what!? I ended up spending a lot of time reading during my commutes rather than aimlessly scrolling through Instagram.
Here's a screenshot of my book tracker from 2018. There's a few things you might notice. I included the year that the book was written because I thought it was important to not only keep current with books and ideas that are popular today, but ideas that stand the test of time. Also, I'm a non-fiction type of gal. I think the world we live in is fascinating enough without needing to read additional made up stories. Finally, I wanted to make sure I'm tracking and reading a good distribution of books on topics that I care about. I'll share the books that I've enjoyed the most in a separate blog post before the year ends.
In addition to reading, I've been spending a lot more time listening to audiobooks and podcasts. I'm a huge Tim Ferriss podcast fan. Each of his podcasts features conversations between him and other "top performers" for 1.5-2 hours. He's currently on podcast #401, and I've listened to almost every single one. So, that gives you an idea of how much time I've spent this last year on consuming a different type of media.
2. What didn’t go so well this year?
★ Work/life balance and burn out. I developed an unhealthy obsession with my job. There were many factors at play:- Excitement about having my dream job, and pressure on myself to do my very best.
- Difficulty of ramping up on a brand new role and learning both the technical aspects of how things worked and also other nuances like work politics. Relearning a lot of things I thought I knew, but from a completely different POV.
- As I eluded to in previous posts, I've been trying to deal with the heavier emotions in my personal life, so it was easy to use work as a distraction from having to process the feelings.
This has been a wake-up call to slow down and that just because I can do a million things at once, doesn't mean I should.
★ Nutrition & Fitness. Ever since I first started doing The Clean Program back in 2012, I have done some type of cleanse every year as a yearly health goal. For fitness, I work out pretty consistently. I go to 2-3 spin classes a week as a baseline for workouts, and add whatever HIIT or strength training to supplement that. However, 2019 is the first time in a long time that I've deprioritized both.
Regarding my cleanses & overall nutrition, I tried doing the 21-day clean cleanse over the summer, but I couldn't motivate myself to complete it. I gave up after a week because I didn't think I felt any better from it and I had no clear reason for why I wanted to finish.
What I've come to realize is that the most important part of me doing these cleanses isn't because it's something that I want to stick to long term. It's because it helps pull me out of whatever unhealthy rut I am in at the moment. 21 days to a month is a good amount of time to get back into the groove of eating healthier and building those routines back into my daily life.
As for workouts, I felt overwhelmed with the schedule of my new job. In between travelling all the time and trying to get back into a routine at home, I didn't feel like managing a schedule of workouts. It really felt so much easier to just not workout at all.
There's likely a negative vicious cycle going on here. The more crappy I ate and less I worked out, the more tired and burnt out I felt. I can see how this spirals out of control, so I'm looking forward to 2020 so I can have a mental reset on my personal well-being.
★ Spending time with loved ones. Also related to feeling burnt out, I felt like a complete hermit/homebody on the days when I wasn't working or travelling. This resulted in me not seeing my family nearly as much as I would have wanted to.
I recently read a blog post by Tim Urban titled The Tail End. In this post, he helps paint a picture of how much time I have left to spend with my parents in person. 90% of our in-person time together is already over. We use up the majority of this "parents time" during our childhood when we saw them every day. This really helps put into perspective that the remaining time is truly precious.
I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my parents and other elders in my life. A huge reason why I decided to move back to California was to be closer to family. I want to make sure I remember this fact as I choose how to spend my time moving forward. These are the relationships that matter to me the most and I know, now more than ever, that the time is going to be limited so I want to make it special and make it count.
★ Embracing my creativity. I really miss having a personal creative outlet. I was looking back on some of my past blog posts and remembered having a lot of fun writing them. I can attribute why I've stopped posting to a few things:
Besides work, I also spent a lot of time and energy on wedding planning and remodeling the house. Now that those big personal projects are over, I'm going to work on embracing more creative ideas that bring me joy.
3. What did I learn?
I learned a lot this year, but here's a few things that are top of mind:★ I'm dyslexic. I wrote a reaction blog post around the same week I figured this out. That blog post best captures what I was feeling as I was processing this new information. I was angry and annoyed for being misunderstood by others but relieved to better understand the big question of "What's wrong with me??". At the end of it, I've come out of this discovery with more compassion for myself and for others. Also I have a newfound acceptance and understanding that everyone is different in the way that we process information and see things in the world and that it's okay.
A lot of people have asked me how I've worked differently now that I know I'm dyslexic. I'm still trying to figure it out, but ever since moving to California, I've felt incredibly frustrated with how hard "adulting" is. In NYC, I had way less responsibility living in a shoebox apartment with convenience around me. My current Californian lifestyle equals way more chores and bills to pay in addition to a daily 2-hour commute. Where am I supposed to find the time to do it all?
Having difficulty with adulting can be partly explained from a dyslexic's weakness in overall organization and time management. The Dyslexia Playbook at work recommends that dyslexics:
- Make lists
- Write down everything you need to do during the day
- Try to have short term, medium term and long term lists that you check over regularly (use Calendar for reminders).
- Long term goals are also hard, it is advisable to have a wall calendar to be able to perceive timelines.
★ Routines aren't boring. I like to think of myself as a spontaneous person who likes living in the moment. So the word "routine" does not feel authentic to my personal brand. However, what I've come to learn and accept over the course of this year (after reading a lot of books on productivity and habit building) is routines can give you the headspace and energy to have fun during the moments that matter.
Routines help with decision fatigue. The benefit of not having to make a decision for every single thing in your life (you know, because you're being sooooo spontaneous) is that you have more mental energy and willpower to do the things that actually give you joy in life.
Have I been able to adopt any meaningful routines? Now, that's a different story. ;)
★ Not everyone will like you or like what you think. I recently listened to a conversation between Mike Maples and Andy Rachleff about finding product-market fit and entrepreneurship.
Here's a framework they outlined that I've been thinking more about: "Entrepreneurship or investing can be described with a 2×2 matrix: On one dimension, you can be right or wrong; on the other dimension, you can be consensus or non-consensus."
Consensus thinking is an average way to find success because consensus means everyone is already thinking the same thing. As a result, people end up copying each other or making small tweaks to slightly adjust their product/idea. Competitors hope that their iteration is going to be better, but honestly we all end up with more of the same.
So, on the other side you have non-consensus thinking. The fundamental nature of non-consensus thinking is that most people will disagree with you and your ideas. When you're in non-consensus, the general population has not been conditioned to accept your new idea as the new normal. I hate disagreeing with people so being non-consensus is a very uncomfortable position for me to be in. At the same time, I thrive in exploring more out of the box ideas.
There's a lot of nuance that goes into flushing out ideas that almost no one agrees with. And it's even harder to try to find the right allies and figure out how to bring them along. It's hard when you're first starting out because you also have no real idea if you're right or wrong - so you have the internal struggle to deal with. All you can really do is to make sure you're not so stubborn to not listen to others and need to respect other's opinions when they offer it.
“The only way to make outsized returns as an investor or entrepreneur is to be right and non-consensus.”
This year, I've explored various non-consensus opinions and ideas with different groups of people. TBD on how it will all play out, but all I know is that it's exhausting. I'm still working on figuring out how to live in discomfort and not take things too personally as I fight against the status quo. Meanwhile, for my own personal sanity, I'm also working on learning how to clear out the noise that does not matter (this includes internal noise as well).
★ Good ideas take longer than you think. Related to the previous learning, I'm taking this one from James Clear's 2017 annual report: "Of the many challenges associated with long-term creative projects, perhaps the most difficult one is that you must find a way to remain motivated and committed to your project without getting positive feedback on most days. Every morning, you have to find the motivation to put in another day of work even though you know you won't be finished when night falls. Patience is among the most valuable creative traits."
The majority of my projects at work now are big meaty projects that I'm passionate about, but I'm learning that it will take years of coordination and planning before anything will come to fruition. I'm extremely impatient for action. But, when your priorities are not someone else's priorities, it will take a long time to build momentum and shift "no's" into "yes's".
In situations like this, rather than focusing on the end result, I'm learning that it's important to break down year long projects into short-term, medium-term and long-term wins (dare we say, milestones?) so that I can feel as motivated and excited about something as the first day I started.
★ Take the time to stop and reflect. Also, write it down. I've come to realize that I have been trying to breeze through life chasing one big moment to the next. However, as I've gotten older, I've been spending time trying to remember some of the moments that mattered in this decade and honestly, I'm coming up with very fuzzy memories. If I didn't write it down on this blog or take a picture of it, it's almost like it didn't happen at all.
Even looking back at what happened in 2019, if I didn't have my bullet journal, my Google Calendar, or Google Photos, there's almost no way I can remember what happened. I'm only 33, so I'm way too young to be this forgetful. It's a good thing to realize now since I can course correct. This also means you'll be hearing a lot more from me in 2020.
That's all I have for now. As always, thank you for reading. I'm excited to finish wrapping up this year (or decade??) and share what I'm planning for 2020!
Originally, I was going to use this post as a way to share a few things I wanted to remember from the year, similar to my 2013 year in rev...
Note: I debated if I should publish this blog post since most of my posts lately have been so emo.Instead of spiraling into the dark hole of self doubt, I pinged a friend: "Should I delete this emo ass blog post and start getting back to regularly scheduled lighter content (food, travel, fitness, etc.)?"
She said, "Feel the feelings!" So, here you go, all the feels in real life. #mentalhealth
This is a personal note about taking the time to stop and smell the (tulips) 🌷🌷🌷.
She said, "Feel the feelings!" So, here you go, all the feels in real life. #mentalhealth
This is a personal note about taking the time to stop and smell the (tulips) 🌷🌷🌷.
Note: I debated if I should publish this blog post since most of my posts lately have been so emo.Instead of spiraling into the dark hole o...
33. That has a nice ring to it don't you think?
You know, honestly, I've been sitting here for the last 15 minutes trying to figure out what to write for this blog post when I came to the realization that as I've gotten older, I've been taking myself way too seriously.
Yes, the last few years has been a bit rough for me. I've been dealing with a lot of loss, but there's been a lot of amazing moments in between too. Around this time last year, I wrote about what it might mean to Begin with the End In Mind.
"I'm still trying to figure out what the end looks like." When I originally wrote that post, I truly did not know what to make of the passage from Stephen Covey. But today, re-reading it, it's becoming more and more clear. Here's why.
A week ago, our dear friend Jerry passed away unexpectedly from cancer. Today was his funeral. Jerry was one of the nicest and genuine people I've ever met and I'm lucky to have known him. He was a loving husband and a father to two beautiful children.
As I mourn during this sad time, I'm also wondering what advice Jerry would give me on my 33rd birthday. I imagine it would be something like this... "Shelly, stop moping around right now like it's your funeral. You're still breathing so go celebrate your birthday and please start living everyday like it may be your last."
I think that's some very sound advice, Jerry.
We love you. Thank you and may you rest in peace. 🙏
33. That has a nice ring to it don't you think? You know, honestly, I've been sitting here for the last 15 minutes trying to fig...
This is a story about why I still have this huge wedding prop in my living room, more than 2 years after our wedding...
Yea, that's me. All the time. So when I saw this inspo pic below while researching "Modern Chinese Weddings", I fell IN LOVE with the drama of this larger than life double happiness sign and knew I had to have it.
As it turns out, the source of this photo comes from Wishing Tree, a wedding vendor based out of Malaysia. From the looks of the weddings on their blog, they are clearly responsible for planning 'Crazy Rich Asians' inspired weddings. This particular photo came from a wedding they call "A magestic evening in pink and gold at the Grand Hyatt Kuala Lumpur".
I mean... talk about extraaa! But, as some of you may know, "Extra" is my middle name, so this was right up my alley. Your girl here has Crazy Rich Asian tastes but unlike most couples featured in the Wishing Tree blog, I'm not marrying Nick Young (CRA reference, lol). At best, I'm just a baller on a budget.
So, typically when you see unrealistic pictures of life on the internet, the conversation with yourself might sound something like this:
Crazy You: "OK, that's nice, maaaaybe you can make this happen."
Rational You: "Where the hell are you going to find a big ass double happiness sign ... in AMERICA?"
Crazy You: "Eh, you're right. IDK, I give up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "
But, as you can see, my crazy side doesn't give up as easily. Crazy Shelly knows how to push the correct buttons.
Crazy Shelly: "What's the matter Shell? You chicken??"
Rational Shelly:
And bam, just like that, I was on a mission to make this happen. Seriously though, I knew from the moment I saw the inspo pic that this sign would make the perfect backdrop for our tea ceremony, there was no question about it. It was love at first sight.
The moment I decided to go the DIY route for this project, I call Uncle Kent and asked him what he thought. He was SUPER INTO IT. Newly retired, he was excited for a new challenge. In the months leading up to the wedding, we spent a lot of time together figuring out the logistics. But unfortunately, as you may know from my previous blog post, Uncle Kent passed away unexpectedly two months before my wedding date.
Looking back at that moment in time, I'm really happy that we had a chance to bond over this pipe dream of mine. Working on this project, we called each other often to talk about our plans (we usually NEVER talk on the phone). There were days when he excitedly called me to tell me about his day - how he visited the wedding venue and measured the space. Then he went into detail about the various sources he picked out at Home Depot and the rationale for why he finally picked this insulation styrafoam as our medium. He also picked up swatches of paint so I could find the perfect red color.
A few days before he passed away, I went over to his house where he showed me the sketches he drew up and walked me through step by step how he envisioned this being created. We made plans to get started over the weekend.
If not for this project, we probably would not have spent as much time together. I'm so grateful that this double happiness project brought us together and that this is one of my last happy memories of him.
Even though he wasn't at the wedding, seeing the sign reminded me that he wasn't too far away and that he'd be watching over me forever. ❤️
So, can you see why this huge double happiness sign is still in my living room? First, it seems like "bad luck" to throw out happiness (I know, my irrational Chinese superstitious side is peeking out). But, more importantly, the sign has become such an important symbol to me that I can't bear to toss it in the dumpster.
If you came to this blog post looking for a "how to guide", I'm here to share that information with you. Just a warning, please make sure you don't have any personal qualms or superstitions about "throwing away happiness" before you create this monster.
Otherwise, you might also end up a hoarder like me and this is something that you'll have to hold onto forever. 😉
What's in this post
- When Pinterest makes you live beyond your means
- Creating happiness and my hoarding tendencies explained
- DIY: How to Make an 8-Foot Double Happiness Sign
When Pinterest makes you live beyond your means
Have you ever seen a picture on Pinterest and thought, "OMG, 😍😍😍, I want that!"Yea, that's me. All the time. So when I saw this inspo pic below while researching "Modern Chinese Weddings", I fell IN LOVE with the drama of this larger than life double happiness sign and knew I had to have it.
As it turns out, the source of this photo comes from Wishing Tree, a wedding vendor based out of Malaysia. From the looks of the weddings on their blog, they are clearly responsible for planning 'Crazy Rich Asians' inspired weddings. This particular photo came from a wedding they call "A magestic evening in pink and gold at the Grand Hyatt Kuala Lumpur".
I mean... talk about extraaa! But, as some of you may know, "Extra" is my middle name, so this was right up my alley. Your girl here has Crazy Rich Asian tastes but unlike most couples featured in the Wishing Tree blog, I'm not marrying Nick Young (CRA reference, lol). At best, I'm just a baller on a budget.
So, typically when you see unrealistic pictures of life on the internet, the conversation with yourself might sound something like this:
Crazy You: "OK, that's nice, maaaaybe you can make this happen."
Rational You: "Where the hell are you going to find a big ass double happiness sign ... in AMERICA?"
Crazy You: "Eh, you're right. IDK, I give up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "
But, as you can see, my crazy side doesn't give up as easily. Crazy Shelly knows how to push the correct buttons.
Crazy Shelly: "What's the matter Shell? You chicken??"
Rational Shelly:
And bam, just like that, I was on a mission to make this happen. Seriously though, I knew from the moment I saw the inspo pic that this sign would make the perfect backdrop for our tea ceremony, there was no question about it. It was love at first sight.
Creating happiness, and my hoarding tendencies explained
I can't write a blog post about this double happiness sign without taking time to fully thank my Uncle Kent, an amazing maker and my go-to person for life's biggest questions like ... "How should I go about making an 8-Foot 囍 sign that's sturdy enough to stand up by itself, but also lightweight enough to easily transport to the wedding venue?" 🤔The moment I decided to go the DIY route for this project, I call Uncle Kent and asked him what he thought. He was SUPER INTO IT. Newly retired, he was excited for a new challenge. In the months leading up to the wedding, we spent a lot of time together figuring out the logistics. But unfortunately, as you may know from my previous blog post, Uncle Kent passed away unexpectedly two months before my wedding date.
Looking back at that moment in time, I'm really happy that we had a chance to bond over this pipe dream of mine. Working on this project, we called each other often to talk about our plans (we usually NEVER talk on the phone). There were days when he excitedly called me to tell me about his day - how he visited the wedding venue and measured the space. Then he went into detail about the various sources he picked out at Home Depot and the rationale for why he finally picked this insulation styrafoam as our medium. He also picked up swatches of paint so I could find the perfect red color.
A few days before he passed away, I went over to his house where he showed me the sketches he drew up and walked me through step by step how he envisioned this being created. We made plans to get started over the weekend.
If not for this project, we probably would not have spent as much time together. I'm so grateful that this double happiness project brought us together and that this is one of my last happy memories of him.
Even though he wasn't at the wedding, seeing the sign reminded me that he wasn't too far away and that he'd be watching over me forever. ❤️
So, can you see why this huge double happiness sign is still in my living room? First, it seems like "bad luck" to throw out happiness (I know, my irrational Chinese superstitious side is peeking out). But, more importantly, the sign has become such an important symbol to me that I can't bear to toss it in the dumpster.
If you came to this blog post looking for a "how to guide", I'm here to share that information with you. Just a warning, please make sure you don't have any personal qualms or superstitions about "throwing away happiness" before you create this monster.
Otherwise, you might also end up a hoarder like me and this is something that you'll have to hold onto forever. 😉
DIY: How to Make an 8-Foot Double Happiness Sign
Step One: Secure the material
When considering the material, we thought about a lot of different ways we could have gone about this, but this Foam Board Insulation turned out to be the most cost effective way to get a piece of board this big (4 ft. x 8 ft.).
Side note: Can we just take a moment to appreciate that this insulation with the panther printed on one side is likely in MILLIONS of homes? Why is there a panther on the isulation you ask? There's absolutely no reason and I'm living for these "just because" designs. 🙌
One thing to keep in mind is that this board won't just fit in an average size sedan, so... unless you have access to a truck or SUV, this project will be very very hard for you to secure the material, and to bring to your wedding venue. So, something to think about before you jump in!
Step Two: Draw out where you're going to cut
Here's some pics the process of planning, measuring & drawing of the 囍 character. Sorry if my scribbles of measurements don't really make sense, but I swear there's some method to this madness!
There were definitely some times when I thought we drew it out incorrectly, but in the end it turned out okay! We used a piece of wood as a ruler, and a sharpie in this process. I marked the parts we're supposed to cut out with a "X" which ended up being helpful IMO.
Step Three: Make the cut
As you can see in the picture, this project became quite the family affair. I think it was a nice distraction for all of us and it became a group effort to see this vision to life as my Uncle Kent imagined it.
We ended up using a hand saw to cut. We all took turns to see who could get the cleaner edge. I did pretty poorly. My dad (the one holding the saw) won because he has the patience of a saint and more of a perfectionist than I am, if you can imagine. :)
Step Four: Admire your art
Step Five: Paint
We used Kelly Moore's Red Valentine as the color of choice. This process took ~2 quarts of paint since we had to paint twice to cover up the dark Panther illustration (lol) on the other side of this foam board.
By the time the project was complete, my dad looked so happy with the result of our (mainly his TBH) handywork.
❤️Uncle Kent, I hope we made you proud. I think this turned out exactly as we discussed. ❤️
When considering the material, we thought about a lot of different ways we could have gone about this, but this Foam Board Insulation turned out to be the most cost effective way to get a piece of board this big (4 ft. x 8 ft.).
Side note: Can we just take a moment to appreciate that this insulation with the panther printed on one side is likely in MILLIONS of homes? Why is there a panther on the isulation you ask? There's absolutely no reason and I'm living for these "just because" designs. 🙌
One thing to keep in mind is that this board won't just fit in an average size sedan, so... unless you have access to a truck or SUV, this project will be very very hard for you to secure the material, and to bring to your wedding venue. So, something to think about before you jump in!
Step Two: Draw out where you're going to cut
Here's some pics the process of planning, measuring & drawing of the 囍 character. Sorry if my scribbles of measurements don't really make sense, but I swear there's some method to this madness!
There were definitely some times when I thought we drew it out incorrectly, but in the end it turned out okay! We used a piece of wood as a ruler, and a sharpie in this process. I marked the parts we're supposed to cut out with a "X" which ended up being helpful IMO.
Step Three: Make the cut
As you can see in the picture, this project became quite the family affair. I think it was a nice distraction for all of us and it became a group effort to see this vision to life as my Uncle Kent imagined it.
We ended up using a hand saw to cut. We all took turns to see who could get the cleaner edge. I did pretty poorly. My dad (the one holding the saw) won because he has the patience of a saint and more of a perfectionist than I am, if you can imagine. :)
Step Four: Admire your art
Step Five: Paint
We used Kelly Moore's Red Valentine as the color of choice. This process took ~2 quarts of paint since we had to paint twice to cover up the dark Panther illustration (lol) on the other side of this foam board.
By the time the project was complete, my dad looked so happy with the result of our (mainly his TBH) handywork.
❤️Uncle Kent, I hope we made you proud. I think this turned out exactly as we discussed. ❤️
This is a story about why I still have this huge wedding prop in my living room, more than 2 years after our wedding... What's in thi...
Shelly in Real Life · Post
囍 Chapter 1: Our Engagement Shoot
Posting as Shelly L.
March 7 12:00 - March 8, 2017 12:00 | Day of our engagement shoot.
Also known as the happiest and the saddest I've ever been within a 24 hour period.
Formula for a perfect day for Shelly:
March 7, 2017 = 2 months before our wedding
J = Future husband
Augie Chang = Wedding Photographer
Napa = Amazing Food. Wineries. Beautiful space for an engagement shoot.
Engagement Shoot = Cute pics of me and J that I was planning to overshare with the world.
Despite the day of our engagement shoot being practically perfect, there are a few learnings from this experience that I want to share with you.
When people post seemingly "perfect" pictures of their engagement shoots, they don't really talk about how awkward the experience really is. I love being awkward and talking about how awkward and uncomfortable things can be, so here you go!
(Alice, I know you're reading this, this picture is for you, ;))
Here's some awkward things to mentally prepare for and some key takeaways on how to deal:
#1. Meeting your wedding photographer for the first time
I didn't even reach out to other people for quotes (partly because my friends did all the research during their wedding planning, and shared base rates with me). This is all to say: meeting Augie for the first time was a lot like going on a first date. Nerves from meeting someone you're super excited about. Except, multiply that with the super unfamiliar experience of an engagement photoshoot and someone seriously invading your personal space.
Takeaway #1: Don't let your engagement shoot be your first date. Most people meet their wedding photographers for a face to face interview to feel their vibe. We only met Augie over the phone. I guess we could have met him in person first...but like I said... I didn't really think I needed to meet Augie in person because I knew he was going to be our photographer. :)
If I were to do it again though, maybe meeting him in person once before the engagement shoot would have made things less "first-date" like, and therefore less awkward.
You should have seen the look on Augie's face when I asked him to take this pic of us with this weird basket of fruit in Napa. 😂This did not fit into Augie's artistic POV, (that's what we were paying him the big bucks for tho, amirite?) but he took one to be nice and he quickly moved us to the next location.
#2. Picking out "your look"
Leading up to an engagement shoot, people typically spend a lot of time figuring out their outfits, and how they would get ready. For me, I realized that my makeup collection has gotten pretty stale, so I wanted to find a new lipstick shade to wear during the shoot to spice it up.
You know what ended up happening? I literally went to MAC and Nordstrom to try at least 10-20 shades of lipstick ranging from nudes to pinks to what have you, only to realize that I didn't like any of it. I thought I looked like a clown. What I should have realized is that I should not try to do anything too different than what I've already been doing for makeup for the last 10 years of my life.
I ended up buying MAC's Captive telling myself that I was going to use it for the shoot. Why? Because I didn't just spend 2 days searching for a new lippie only to not to buy something new right? Well, fast forward to engagement shoot day. What did I end up using? I used my trusty TONYMOLY Petit Bunny Gloss Bar. It was easy and comfortable for me. Maybe not too "on brand" for a 30 year old, but it worked.
On the flip side, I spent so much time and energy on something that literally did not matter. For my engagement shoot, I wanted to try a little harder. I thought I should try to put effort into "looking my best" (Thanks YouTube & your "engagement photoshoot" looks - lol). I tried on sooooo many shades of lipsticks that my skin turned super swollen, red and dry the week leading up to this shoot.
Takeaway #2: This is not a time to experiment. Maybe your engagement shoot isn't really the time for you to "try something new" just because you have expectations of what you're supposed to look like based on what other people are doing. This is especially important if you want to just look like yourself. If you look at these pics, you'll find that my bunny gloss served me just fine.
I know this is advice that people typically give you for your wedding. But, I heard this advice. I clearly didn't listen and ended up stressing myself out for absolutely no reason. I'll have a separate post about wedding makeup to expand on this learning - because the same shit happened to me during my makeup wedding trials a month later. I clearly didn't learn!
As for clothes. If you love a girly-romantic look with some embellished details, check out the dresses from Needle & Thread. I'm obsessed. :)
#3. PDA with your spouse in front of a camera
J and I are not overly "PDA" with each other in real life, so as we were taking this photoshoot, we were definitely on the spectrum of "Ummm, this is awkward." Weird enough when no one is watching. A million times worse in front of a stranger with a camera pointed 3 inches away from your face.
Listen, we had the luxury of having a "first date" with Augie at Bouchon before we started. We shared a bottle of champagne and steak frites over the course of an 1.5 hour long romantic lunch before we had to get down to business. Most people jump straight into the picture taking with none of the romance with their photographer, you know what I mean?
Except, maybe 10 minutes into the session, J and I were just feeling like, hrmmm... you know what would make this experience better? If we had more alcohol. ;) I don't think I've ever seen Augie do anything with more purpose and mission. He must have saw how awks we were being and took us straight back to Bouchon and bought us two shots on his dime. Things went much better after that, lol. 😂
Takeaway #3: A little Liquid Courage never hurt anyone. If you think you're going to be awks and drinking alchohol fits into your lifestyle choices, then, perhaps bring some booze to your engagement shoot! Take that pepcid if you get asian glow, and bring a flask if you're going out into nature. #justkeepinitreal No judgement here!
Well, luckily for us, Augie can literally make anything look good, including this couple being super awkward in a parking lot. True story: This picture was taken in the parking lot where I got ready in a car. Through the course of the next few hours, the three of us had an amazing time bonding and just getting super hyped for all the wedding festivities ahead of us.
We waltzed around town as Augie was training us on how to be less awkward as a couple in front of a camera. Here's some of my favorite moments from the session:
I call this pose "The Cyclops". It's where you and your significant other are OMFG so in lurve. So, you begin making intense eye contact - french eye contact, oui 🇫🇷 - just an inch away from each other's faces.
You stare so deeply into the depths of each other's souls where if you work hard enough at it, their two eyes merge to become one. 😂When 2 become 1 - that's what the Spice Girls were singing about right?
Anyway, unless this is something you're in the habit of doing with your partner, it's SUPER weird in real life. But listen, Augie said it would look cute in pics, and here we are. Super cute, but super awkward IRL.
Just 6 hours after the engagement session, Augie sent me teaser photos so I could upload them onto on our wedding website. He is a god send because he knew I was in a rush to get these up (super last minute here). Yes, I recognize that an engagement shoot 2 months before the wedding is cutting it close. Augie and the internet have told me that.
Reason #678 why I didn't become a wedding planner: Poor time management (I blame dyslexia!)
Wed, Mar 8, 2017: The Saddest Day of My Life
Sometime after midnight, as I was putting the finishing touches on our wedding website, I got a phone call from my cousin.
"Michelle, Uncle Kent just went to the hospital. Can you please come?"
This must be serious, because my cousin wouldn’t call me at midnight if this was just a ‘casual’, non-life threatening emergency.
When I got to the hospital, all my extended family was there. Around 20 of us -- we roll deep. I learned that Uncle Kent was taking a shower and suddenly had a heart attack. Because he was in the shower, the bathroom was locked. They had to call the ambulance. They had to break the door down. You can understand how traumatic this is for anyone who had to live through this experience.
I was just thinking to myself: Here I am, so worried about my wedding website just an hour ago, when all this was happening to people whom I love, in a home just 10 minutes away from me. Talk about perspective.
Uncle Kent has had heart issues in the past, so being in the hospital because he was having heart issues wasn't too foreign to us. He is a fighter and so young, so we remained very optimistic as we were all standing around.
A few hours went by, and we were just starting to get antsy for someone to come out to give us an update. Just waiting around for good news. Just waiting to hear that everything was okay, and that the surgery went well. That we could go home and see him the next day.
Because, that's how it was supposed to go down right?
Wed, Mar 8, 2017, sometime after 2 AM - Hospital
A doctor finally comes out. We get the news. Uncle Kent did not make it… We are all in shock and disbelief. This can't be real. Right?
RIGHT?!?
Wed, Mar 8, 2017, 8 AM - Morgue
I’m at the morgue. Uncle Kent is laying in front of us. Not moving. Honestly, he just looked like he's asleep. He still had a sense of energy vibrating from him. He had a slight smirk on his face, the way he always looks when he makes a joke that we all hate, but can't help but laugh at.
Uncle Kent has always been such a source of mischief in my life. We have stupid inside jokes like the stupid way we greet each other: we pretend to wipe our noses with our hands and shake. What kind of greeting is that? How that even started, I have no clue. But all I know is that we're gross but funny like that.
My first Christmas in America was spent at his house. As an immigrant, I had no clue what Christmas was. I didn’t have a stocking, but he hung up white socks for me and my brother. He put some $ in the sock and this was the first time I even heard about a guy named Santa Claus who gives good children gifts during Christmas. How fun!
Uncle Kent always took me on vacations with him and his family. I slept over at his house all time, and hung out with his 4 kids all throughout my childhood. I’m very lucky to have such a close-knit family. My Uncle Kent was like a father to me, and two months before my wedding, he passes away.
As I stared him in the face for the last time, I thought to myself… Wow, this has got to be some sick joke. How am I really supposed to feel about this? How do I get over the fact that someone who existed in the world one day, is suddenly gone forever?
Ending this blog post about the happiest and saddest day of my life with this picture. This was 6 months before Uncle Kent passed away. I decided to hosted a labor day BBQ for the fam, and someone forced us to take this picture. I'm really glad we did.
Cherish your loved ones every single moment of every day, because you literally don't know what the day will bring.
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Also known as the happiest and the saddest I've ever been within a 24 hour period.
What's in this post
- Dreams Come True: Shelly, the wedding planner
- 3 Practical Tips for your surviving your engagement shoot
- Life Goes Full Circle: it takes some good to make it hurt
Tue, Mar 7, 2017: Dreams Come True
March 7 started out as the perfect day. J and I spent the day in Napa with our wedding photographer, Augie Chang, for our engagement shoot.Formula for a perfect day for Shelly:
March 7, 2017 = 2 months before our wedding
J = Future husband
Augie Chang = Wedding Photographer
Napa = Amazing Food. Wineries. Beautiful space for an engagement shoot.
Engagement Shoot = Cute pics of me and J that I was planning to overshare with the world.
Multiplier effect:
Shelly's genuine love for weddings = Anyone who knows me pre-Google will tell you that my answer to the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" has always been "A wedding planner."
Not because of J-lo's movie, but because I've always wanted to be the person behind the scenes helping two people in love create their perfect day. A wedding is a physical representation of this love in its purest and rawest form. Everyone recalls their wedding day to be one of the happiest days of their lives. And the best part is, it comes with open interpretation!
No two weddings are the same. It all comes together in a beautiful and organic way. Every couple's love story is unique and a little bit different, and it all lives in the small details. When that story comes alive -- well, that's just magical. :) They don't call it the honeymoon period for no reason!
How often are you surrounded with so much beauty and love in the world? Growing up, I wanted to be in the business of helping turn dreams into reality. Yes, I am a true romantic at heart.
No two weddings are the same. It all comes together in a beautiful and organic way. Every couple's love story is unique and a little bit different, and it all lives in the small details. When that story comes alive -- well, that's just magical. :) They don't call it the honeymoon period for no reason!
How often are you surrounded with so much beauty and love in the world? Growing up, I wanted to be in the business of helping turn dreams into reality. Yes, I am a true romantic at heart.
If you're wondering why I didn't continue down the path of becoming a wedding planner, well, real life kicked in. I got a job in corporate america where I learned first hand what "scalability" and "crazy clients" looked like on a day-to-day basis. I also realized that I'm pretty good with computers too. Tech ended up being a much better career choice for me, but wedding planning will always be my dream job. :)
The day of our engagement shoot was the first time in my year-long wedding planning process when all started to feel real. I was done making key decisions and paying for down payments. Enough of planning things on paper, our wedding was finally coming to life!
My friends and a lot of other people commented on how I was crazy for wanting to plan two weddings within the same month, just weeks apart. One in Spain, no less. But, this was not a chore for me, this is literally my dream job.
My friends and a lot of other people commented on how I was crazy for wanting to plan two weddings within the same month, just weeks apart. One in Spain, no less. But, this was not a chore for me, this is literally my dream job.
3 Practical Tips for your surviving your engagement shoot
When people post seemingly "perfect" pictures of their engagement shoots, they don't really talk about how awkward the experience really is. I love being awkward and talking about how awkward and uncomfortable things can be, so here you go!
(Alice, I know you're reading this, this picture is for you, ;))
Here's some awkward things to mentally prepare for and some key takeaways on how to deal:
- Meeting your wedding photographer for the first time
- Picking out "your look"
- PDA with your spouse in front of a camera
J and I met before the days of social media dating, so I never really dated via apps. Choosing Augie Chang on Instagram was my version of using Tinder. I swiped right immediately when I saw his pics. In fact, Augie was the only photographer I "swiped right" for during the planning process.
I didn't even reach out to other people for quotes (partly because my friends did all the research during their wedding planning, and shared base rates with me). This is all to say: meeting Augie for the first time was a lot like going on a first date. Nerves from meeting someone you're super excited about. Except, multiply that with the super unfamiliar experience of an engagement photoshoot and someone seriously invading your personal space.
Takeaway #1: Don't let your engagement shoot be your first date. Most people meet their wedding photographers for a face to face interview to feel their vibe. We only met Augie over the phone. I guess we could have met him in person first...but like I said... I didn't really think I needed to meet Augie in person because I knew he was going to be our photographer. :)
If I were to do it again though, maybe meeting him in person once before the engagement shoot would have made things less "first-date" like, and therefore less awkward.
You should have seen the look on Augie's face when I asked him to take this pic of us with this weird basket of fruit in Napa. 😂This did not fit into Augie's artistic POV, (that's what we were paying him the big bucks for tho, amirite?) but he took one to be nice and he quickly moved us to the next location.
#2. Picking out "your look"
Leading up to an engagement shoot, people typically spend a lot of time figuring out their outfits, and how they would get ready. For me, I realized that my makeup collection has gotten pretty stale, so I wanted to find a new lipstick shade to wear during the shoot to spice it up.
You know what ended up happening? I literally went to MAC and Nordstrom to try at least 10-20 shades of lipstick ranging from nudes to pinks to what have you, only to realize that I didn't like any of it. I thought I looked like a clown. What I should have realized is that I should not try to do anything too different than what I've already been doing for makeup for the last 10 years of my life.
I ended up buying MAC's Captive telling myself that I was going to use it for the shoot. Why? Because I didn't just spend 2 days searching for a new lippie only to not to buy something new right? Well, fast forward to engagement shoot day. What did I end up using? I used my trusty TONYMOLY Petit Bunny Gloss Bar. It was easy and comfortable for me. Maybe not too "on brand" for a 30 year old, but it worked.
On the flip side, I spent so much time and energy on something that literally did not matter. For my engagement shoot, I wanted to try a little harder. I thought I should try to put effort into "looking my best" (Thanks YouTube & your "engagement photoshoot" looks - lol). I tried on sooooo many shades of lipsticks that my skin turned super swollen, red and dry the week leading up to this shoot.
Takeaway #2: This is not a time to experiment. Maybe your engagement shoot isn't really the time for you to "try something new" just because you have expectations of what you're supposed to look like based on what other people are doing. This is especially important if you want to just look like yourself. If you look at these pics, you'll find that my bunny gloss served me just fine.
I know this is advice that people typically give you for your wedding. But, I heard this advice. I clearly didn't listen and ended up stressing myself out for absolutely no reason. I'll have a separate post about wedding makeup to expand on this learning - because the same shit happened to me during my makeup wedding trials a month later. I clearly didn't learn!
As for clothes. If you love a girly-romantic look with some embellished details, check out the dresses from Needle & Thread. I'm obsessed. :)
#3. PDA with your spouse in front of a camera
J and I are not overly "PDA" with each other in real life, so as we were taking this photoshoot, we were definitely on the spectrum of "Ummm, this is awkward." Weird enough when no one is watching. A million times worse in front of a stranger with a camera pointed 3 inches away from your face.
Listen, we had the luxury of having a "first date" with Augie at Bouchon before we started. We shared a bottle of champagne and steak frites over the course of an 1.5 hour long romantic lunch before we had to get down to business. Most people jump straight into the picture taking with none of the romance with their photographer, you know what I mean?
Except, maybe 10 minutes into the session, J and I were just feeling like, hrmmm... you know what would make this experience better? If we had more alcohol. ;) I don't think I've ever seen Augie do anything with more purpose and mission. He must have saw how awks we were being and took us straight back to Bouchon and bought us two shots on his dime. Things went much better after that, lol. 😂
Takeaway #3: A little Liquid Courage never hurt anyone. If you think you're going to be awks and drinking alchohol fits into your lifestyle choices, then, perhaps bring some booze to your engagement shoot! Take that pepcid if you get asian glow, and bring a flask if you're going out into nature. #justkeepinitreal No judgement here!
Well, luckily for us, Augie can literally make anything look good, including this couple being super awkward in a parking lot. True story: This picture was taken in the parking lot where I got ready in a car. Through the course of the next few hours, the three of us had an amazing time bonding and just getting super hyped for all the wedding festivities ahead of us.
We waltzed around town as Augie was training us on how to be less awkward as a couple in front of a camera. Here's some of my favorite moments from the session:
I love this shot. Augie's eye for light is just perfection. But, I just wanted to quickly show you that for every super cute picture that we have, there's another 20+ super awkward ones like the one below. Tons of pics that I won't share where J looks like he's vampiring me or trying to bite my ear off, or maybe he's just whispering sweet nothings into my ear. You know, #romance.
You stare so deeply into the depths of each other's souls where if you work hard enough at it, their two eyes merge to become one. 😂When 2 become 1 - that's what the Spice Girls were singing about right?
Anyway, unless this is something you're in the habit of doing with your partner, it's SUPER weird in real life. But listen, Augie said it would look cute in pics, and here we are. Super cute, but super awkward IRL.
We ended the day, hand in hand, walking down some random driveway in Napa, strolling into golden hour perfection. Clearly, we were in our natural habitat.
Sarcasm aside, this engagement shoot was more than I could have ever hoped for from our "First Date" with Augie. He captured images from inside my mind that I didn't even articulate to him, but our visions aligned, and he really did an amazing job. Glad we swiped right!
"Life Goes Full Circle: It takes some good to make it hurt"
- Jason Mraz - Life is WonderfulJust 6 hours after the engagement session, Augie sent me teaser photos so I could upload them onto on our wedding website. He is a god send because he knew I was in a rush to get these up (super last minute here). Yes, I recognize that an engagement shoot 2 months before the wedding is cutting it close. Augie and the internet have told me that.
Reason #678 why I didn't become a wedding planner: Poor time management (I blame dyslexia!)
Wed, Mar 8, 2017: The Saddest Day of My Life
Sometime after midnight, as I was putting the finishing touches on our wedding website, I got a phone call from my cousin.
"Michelle, Uncle Kent just went to the hospital. Can you please come?"
This must be serious, because my cousin wouldn’t call me at midnight if this was just a ‘casual’, non-life threatening emergency.
When I got to the hospital, all my extended family was there. Around 20 of us -- we roll deep. I learned that Uncle Kent was taking a shower and suddenly had a heart attack. Because he was in the shower, the bathroom was locked. They had to call the ambulance. They had to break the door down. You can understand how traumatic this is for anyone who had to live through this experience.
I was just thinking to myself: Here I am, so worried about my wedding website just an hour ago, when all this was happening to people whom I love, in a home just 10 minutes away from me. Talk about perspective.
Uncle Kent has had heart issues in the past, so being in the hospital because he was having heart issues wasn't too foreign to us. He is a fighter and so young, so we remained very optimistic as we were all standing around.
A few hours went by, and we were just starting to get antsy for someone to come out to give us an update. Just waiting around for good news. Just waiting to hear that everything was okay, and that the surgery went well. That we could go home and see him the next day.
Because, that's how it was supposed to go down right?
Wed, Mar 8, 2017, sometime after 2 AM - Hospital
A doctor finally comes out. We get the news. Uncle Kent did not make it… We are all in shock and disbelief. This can't be real. Right?
RIGHT?!?
Wed, Mar 8, 2017, 8 AM - Morgue
I’m at the morgue. Uncle Kent is laying in front of us. Not moving. Honestly, he just looked like he's asleep. He still had a sense of energy vibrating from him. He had a slight smirk on his face, the way he always looks when he makes a joke that we all hate, but can't help but laugh at.
Uncle Kent has always been such a source of mischief in my life. We have stupid inside jokes like the stupid way we greet each other: we pretend to wipe our noses with our hands and shake. What kind of greeting is that? How that even started, I have no clue. But all I know is that we're gross but funny like that.
My first Christmas in America was spent at his house. As an immigrant, I had no clue what Christmas was. I didn’t have a stocking, but he hung up white socks for me and my brother. He put some $ in the sock and this was the first time I even heard about a guy named Santa Claus who gives good children gifts during Christmas. How fun!
Uncle Kent always took me on vacations with him and his family. I slept over at his house all time, and hung out with his 4 kids all throughout my childhood. I’m very lucky to have such a close-knit family. My Uncle Kent was like a father to me, and two months before my wedding, he passes away.
As I stared him in the face for the last time, I thought to myself… Wow, this has got to be some sick joke. How am I really supposed to feel about this? How do I get over the fact that someone who existed in the world one day, is suddenly gone forever?
Ending this blog post about the happiest and saddest day of my life with this picture. This was 6 months before Uncle Kent passed away. I decided to hosted a labor day BBQ for the fam, and someone forced us to take this picture. I'm really glad we did.
Cherish your loved ones every single moment of every day, because you literally don't know what the day will bring.
Shelly in Real Life · Post 囍 Chapter 1: Our Engagement Shoot Posting as Shelly L. March 7 12:00 - March 8, 2017 12:00 | Day of our en...
Before I begin this blog post, I wanted to tell you why I'm trying to be more open and honest on this blog moving forward. 3 weeks ago, I realized I have been dealing with dyslexia my whole life, but just hid it from myself. I wrote about that experience in a very "venty" blog post here.
Since making that realisation, I've been going through an emotional journey that has brought me to this newfound, "I give zero fucks" mindset. It's been very liberating and theraputic to think about things in this way.
May is Mental Health Month.
Mental Health can mean many different things to different people. For me, I've been dealing with all these feelings I've had bottled up inside. It's gotten to the point that it's a bit crippling and not healthy for me. So, I'm going to use this blog to talk about my feelings more and just putting it out there. I know that I'm not alone in dealing with this, so I wanted to share what I'm dealing with, on the off chance that it also helps you feel less alone in whatever you're going through.
As a result of me being more vulnerable on this blog, I'm also expecting a certain level of civility and respect. The world and the internet is full of negativity and trolls, but that should not be a reason for me to stop sharing what I want to share.
**gets off soapbox**
I don't know about you, but whenever I stumble on any lifestyle blog of a married person, their blog posts about their wedding is one of the first things I read. A well done wedding series on a blog is the cliff notes version of a person's lifestyle. You can get SUPER personal real fast and go deeeeep into the details of someone’s life without having to do the work of going through all the blog posts to learn about it in piece meal.
Love life. Family life. Personal aesthetics. Is their life #goals? Do you wish you were their friend in real life, just so you could be invited to a wedding like theirs? ALL OF IT. You can make a lot of assumptions pretty quickly and decide if you're going to like this person or not.
Besides being able to judge someone quickly, wedding content in general is a thirst trap for the nosy people of the internet. Thrist trap content is content that is guarenteed to give a boost to your metrics: VIEWS. LIKES. ENGAGEMENT (web engagement, not just the marriage kind). Weddings, it’s just good blog economics with a decent amount of return on investment. We paid for it, why not share it? Definitely a win-win for everyone involved.
So, this “Our Wedding Day” series was something I was looking forward to posting and sharing on the blog. Besides all this "wedding economics" mumbo-jumbo, it's also good for me on a personal level as well. I was looking forward to writing these blog posts because I was going to get to share the tiny tiny details of things that I spent months pouring my heart and soul into.
These are tiny details that literally NO ONE WILL NOTICE, but when put all together, it makes for a beautiful image which just brings me so much joy. I also I know that there will be a few handful of people out there who will see these tiny details on IG, Pinterest, or this blog and appreciate the beauty in something that people who actually went to the wedding just glossed over. It makes me happy to know that I could potentially be a spark of inspiration for some like-minded people.
This series of blog posts is as much for me as it is for you.
I put a lot of thought and creativity in balancing the fine line between ballin' on a budget (lots of DIY) and forcing J to help me make decisions for our wedding. Planning a wedding is a lot of work, ok? So, I wanted to share the beautiful imagery that came out of this year-long process as proof that I managed to come out of this experience as a sane person.
Yet, here we are. Two years post-wedding and I still have not shared much about our wedding.
Why?
In short, it's because I'm still emotionally processing the series of events that happened leading up to our wedding day. Trust me, it's going to be a lot, but I'm finally ready to share. In the next few posts, I'm going to spill and give you an unfiltered view on all this juicy wedding content that you never asked for, but likely super curious to know.
Here's our wedding story, but with a plot twist. What's a good story without a plot twist anyway, amirite? Unfortunately, this plot twist to our wedding story isn't nearly as fun and exciting as you think. It also comes with a lot of hurt and pain for people around me who I love very much.
Biggest life lesson learned and lived: When life gives you lemons, you just have to suck it up and eat it. Life just really doesn't happen the way you imagine it to, no matter how much you try to plan and control it.
"Double Happiness, sometimes translated as Double Happy, is a Chinese traditional ornament design, commonly used as a decoration symbol of marriage.
Double Happiness is a ligature, "囍" composed of 喜喜 – two copies of the Chinese characters 喜 literally meaning joy, compressed to assume the square shape of a standard Chinese character (much as a real character may consist of two parts), and is pronounced as a polysyllabic Chinese character, being read as 双喜 (shuāngxǐ)."
But, when I talk about "double happiness" in our wedding story, I'm not just talking about a Chinese wedding. The source of J and my double happiness, is that we had two weddings.
Double the weddings, double the fun, right? :) But seriously, TWO weddings? WTF, why!?
Well, let's start this off by saying that I'm a people-pleaser.
I was raised to be an obedient Chinese daughter who loves her parents, but I also do not really want to obey and play by all the Chinese rules and tradition. You know all those people who tell you that your wedding should be about you and your spouse, screw everyone else? Well, those people probably had parents who had the luxury of having a beautiful wedding of their own.
Our parents on the other hand, did not have such a lavish celebration when they got married. They spent their whole lives living modestly, just raising us with the hopes that we have a better life than they did. So, it would be very selfish of me to believe that "our wedding", wasn't actually really "their wedding" as well. This is one of the biggest moments of their lifetime, one that they have been looking forward to for the last 30+ years since we were born. J is Chinese as well, and this is just a fact of life that we grew up with. Personally, I'm happy to accept this fact because I love our parents and want them to be happy too (within reason, because sometimes the shit they want be cray, ya know??).
The compromise? We just had two weddings. I know. That's hella extra. If this is you right now: 🙄, then just stop reading. Because you're about to have your eyes roll so far back your head that you won't be able to see tomorrow. That's not good for your health. I'm not a professional, but don't say I didn't warn you.
So, the first wedding was to make our Chinese parents happy. As I was planning this wedding, I planned this wedding for our parents. This is literally a celebration for them. I put my "Chinese parents love this shit" idea hat on, and just went for it. No details spared. This is my vision of what a beautiful Modern Chinese wedding looks like.
BTW, if you searched for "Modern Chinese Wedding" on Pinterest, you won't find much inspiration because weddings like this doesn't exist in the collective American consciousness. This is why I thought it was important to share what my vision of this looks like, so that if you stumbled on this blog and also have Chinese parents who want you to incorporate super Chinese details in your wedding, and you had no idea how to keep it classy, this can be a good starting point for you.
So, here we have the second wedding. See how happy we look? This second wedding we planned was just for us. A wedding that truly represent who J and I are as a couple. This is my dream wedding, but unfortunately, one that would have resulted in me arguing with our parents for an entire year.
Here's some highlights on what those "discussions" would sound like had we gone with planning our dream wedding as our only wedding:
This decision to have two weddings was very indulgent on my end. I recognize that. But like I said, I’m just an obedient Chinese daughter who wants to please her parents, and not ruffle any feathers. I couldn't bare the thought of arguing with them for an entire year, especially not during a time that’s supposed to be the happiest time in our lives. We were very lucky to have made all the financials work, and I was lucky that J gave his support to this crazy idea. Good thing he knows that a happy wife = a happy life.
While planning two weddings doesn't sound like the best financial decision, by not going for the "traditional" wedding that I originally had in mind (think: Napa, SF venue, etc.), we were able to save on certain parts of our budget and rework it so that we had our cake and ate it twice.
The cost of our two weddings ended up being similar in cost of some of the more pricey weddings we’ve been to. This is my story and I'm sticking to it. :D
In the past, I would stay away from talking about the financial side of this decision on this blog, but I'm just going to call it out given my new "Zero Fucks" mentality. Here's what the negative inner talk track sounds like as I make the decision to even share information like this so publically on the internet:
But, I've started to realize that every single person is struggling with something in their lives, and I think it's important that we start sharing what that is. I don't want you to see this perfect image of what you think my life is like, without me also telling you about this crazy inner voice in my head that makes me feel more bad about myself than you would ever be able to make me feel.
So yes. I feel a little guilty about my decision to have two weddings. But also, I'm not harming anyone, and the wedding industry in the US is a $72B business for a reason. :)
Okay, this is the double happiness part of the story explained. I'll write some blog posts sharing actual details of the wedding later, because #inspo, but let me move on to the part of this wedding story that actually puts me at a lost for words.
So, why have I been pretty hush hush about our weddings? I didn’t even share an engagement photo on Instagram! That is very out of character for me, a wannabe “lifestyle” blogger - paying thousands of dollars to have these super cute pictures taken, but then not even posting them. WTF right?
Well, there’s a few reasons. The main one is that I have been spending some time emotionally dealing with this "plot twist" that I keep talking about. I’ve also been worried about what it sounds like to put these thoughts out on the internet. I wanted to be respectful to my family given that this is a very personal matter. Chinese people are all about ‘face’, and what I’m about to talk about will be VERY taboo (to them at least, not sure how everyone else might take it).
To my family members who end up reading this, I love you. Thank you for being the most supportive family ever. I think we’ve all been through a lot in the last few years, but I think it’s time that we evolve into a family that starts talking about our feelings instead of just pretending like everything's okay. Because, it’s not okay. I’m not okay.
I touched on this half a year ago in my blog post, Begin With The End in Mind, but I'm finally ready to tell you the story of our wedding. But first before I get to that part, I must talk about the death of my dear Uncle Kent that happened just two months before our wedding. BOOM.
Uncle Kent meant so much to me that I did not think it was okay for me to post these seemingly happy experiences (Weddings! Beauty gram life!), without first sharing with you the struggle behind the smiling faces.
More on that in the next blog post.
If you made it all the way down to the bottom of this very very long blog post, I want to say thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for letting me share.
Since making that realisation, I've been going through an emotional journey that has brought me to this newfound, "I give zero fucks" mindset. It's been very liberating and theraputic to think about things in this way.
May is Mental Health Month.
Mental Health can mean many different things to different people. For me, I've been dealing with all these feelings I've had bottled up inside. It's gotten to the point that it's a bit crippling and not healthy for me. So, I'm going to use this blog to talk about my feelings more and just putting it out there. I know that I'm not alone in dealing with this, so I wanted to share what I'm dealing with, on the off chance that it also helps you feel less alone in whatever you're going through.
As a result of me being more vulnerable on this blog, I'm also expecting a certain level of civility and respect. The world and the internet is full of negativity and trolls, but that should not be a reason for me to stop sharing what I want to share.
**gets off soapbox**
What’s in this post
Thoughts on Wedding Economics as a 'lifestyle blogger'
As a "lifestyle blogger", I know that there’s no content on a blog that's quite as juicy and delicious as Wedding Content.I don't know about you, but whenever I stumble on any lifestyle blog of a married person, their blog posts about their wedding is one of the first things I read. A well done wedding series on a blog is the cliff notes version of a person's lifestyle. You can get SUPER personal real fast and go deeeeep into the details of someone’s life without having to do the work of going through all the blog posts to learn about it in piece meal.
Love life. Family life. Personal aesthetics. Is their life #goals? Do you wish you were their friend in real life, just so you could be invited to a wedding like theirs? ALL OF IT. You can make a lot of assumptions pretty quickly and decide if you're going to like this person or not.
Besides being able to judge someone quickly, wedding content in general is a thirst trap for the nosy people of the internet. Thrist trap content is content that is guarenteed to give a boost to your metrics: VIEWS. LIKES. ENGAGEMENT (web engagement, not just the marriage kind). Weddings, it’s just good blog economics with a decent amount of return on investment. We paid for it, why not share it? Definitely a win-win for everyone involved.
So, this “Our Wedding Day” series was something I was looking forward to posting and sharing on the blog. Besides all this "wedding economics" mumbo-jumbo, it's also good for me on a personal level as well. I was looking forward to writing these blog posts because I was going to get to share the tiny tiny details of things that I spent months pouring my heart and soul into.
These are tiny details that literally NO ONE WILL NOTICE, but when put all together, it makes for a beautiful image which just brings me so much joy. I also I know that there will be a few handful of people out there who will see these tiny details on IG, Pinterest, or this blog and appreciate the beauty in something that people who actually went to the wedding just glossed over. It makes me happy to know that I could potentially be a spark of inspiration for some like-minded people.
This series of blog posts is as much for me as it is for you.
I put a lot of thought and creativity in balancing the fine line between ballin' on a budget (lots of DIY) and forcing J to help me make decisions for our wedding. Planning a wedding is a lot of work, ok? So, I wanted to share the beautiful imagery that came out of this year-long process as proof that I managed to come out of this experience as a sane person.
Why?
In short, it's because I'm still emotionally processing the series of events that happened leading up to our wedding day. Trust me, it's going to be a lot, but I'm finally ready to share. In the next few posts, I'm going to spill and give you an unfiltered view on all this juicy wedding content that you never asked for, but likely super curious to know.
Here's our wedding story, but with a plot twist. What's a good story without a plot twist anyway, amirite? Unfortunately, this plot twist to our wedding story isn't nearly as fun and exciting as you think. It also comes with a lot of hurt and pain for people around me who I love very much.
Biggest life lesson learned and lived: When life gives you lemons, you just have to suck it up and eat it. Life just really doesn't happen the way you imagine it to, no matter how much you try to plan and control it.
Double Happiness: A Tale of Our 2 Weddings
First, Double Happiness 囍. Here's wikipedia explaining 囍 better than me:"Double Happiness, sometimes translated as Double Happy, is a Chinese traditional ornament design, commonly used as a decoration symbol of marriage.
Double Happiness is a ligature, "囍" composed of 喜喜 – two copies of the Chinese characters 喜 literally meaning joy, compressed to assume the square shape of a standard Chinese character (much as a real character may consist of two parts), and is pronounced as a polysyllabic Chinese character, being read as 双喜 (shuāngxǐ)."
But, when I talk about "double happiness" in our wedding story, I'm not just talking about a Chinese wedding. The source of J and my double happiness, is that we had two weddings.
Double the weddings, double the fun, right? :) But seriously, TWO weddings? WTF, why!?
Well, let's start this off by saying that I'm a people-pleaser.
I was raised to be an obedient Chinese daughter who loves her parents, but I also do not really want to obey and play by all the Chinese rules and tradition. You know all those people who tell you that your wedding should be about you and your spouse, screw everyone else? Well, those people probably had parents who had the luxury of having a beautiful wedding of their own.
Our parents on the other hand, did not have such a lavish celebration when they got married. They spent their whole lives living modestly, just raising us with the hopes that we have a better life than they did. So, it would be very selfish of me to believe that "our wedding", wasn't actually really "their wedding" as well. This is one of the biggest moments of their lifetime, one that they have been looking forward to for the last 30+ years since we were born. J is Chinese as well, and this is just a fact of life that we grew up with. Personally, I'm happy to accept this fact because I love our parents and want them to be happy too (within reason, because sometimes the shit they want be cray, ya know??).
The compromise? We just had two weddings. I know. That's hella extra. If this is you right now: 🙄, then just stop reading. Because you're about to have your eyes roll so far back your head that you won't be able to see tomorrow. That's not good for your health. I'm not a professional, but don't say I didn't warn you.
So, the first wedding was to make our Chinese parents happy. As I was planning this wedding, I planned this wedding for our parents. This is literally a celebration for them. I put my "Chinese parents love this shit" idea hat on, and just went for it. No details spared. This is my vision of what a beautiful Modern Chinese wedding looks like.
BTW, if you searched for "Modern Chinese Wedding" on Pinterest, you won't find much inspiration because weddings like this doesn't exist in the collective American consciousness. This is why I thought it was important to share what my vision of this looks like, so that if you stumbled on this blog and also have Chinese parents who want you to incorporate super Chinese details in your wedding, and you had no idea how to keep it classy, this can be a good starting point for you.
- 8 foot double happiness symbol to take selfies with? ✓
- Red and Gold everywhere. ✓
- Lion Dancers. ✓
- Chinese Banquet Food. ✓
- Dessert station with Mochi? ✓
- I'm telling you - THE WORKS.
- This blog post isn't about all those details though, this comes later in it's own "Modern Chinese Wedding" blog post, for SEO purposes. ;)
So, here we have the second wedding. See how happy we look? This second wedding we planned was just for us. A wedding that truly represent who J and I are as a couple. This is my dream wedding, but unfortunately, one that would have resulted in me arguing with our parents for an entire year.
Here's some highlights on what those "discussions" would sound like had we gone with planning our dream wedding as our only wedding:
- San Sebastian. - Destination wedding? What about our 90 year old great aunt, she can't travel??
- White flowers. - My dad, who never shares his opinion on anything, told me as I was wedding planning. “Michelle, No white flowers.” “Okay Daddy, I won’t have white flowers at your wedding.” :). See how this two wedding thing resulted in me not ruining my relationship with my father because we have such conflicting POVs?
- A jamon cutting station - My mom, a taoist vegetarian, would NEVER approve of an entire leg of a pig being carved at our wedding. She would SMH the entire time while our friends crushed this station and then some. I would have felt guilty. Lose-lose.
This decision to have two weddings was very indulgent on my end. I recognize that. But like I said, I’m just an obedient Chinese daughter who wants to please her parents, and not ruffle any feathers. I couldn't bare the thought of arguing with them for an entire year, especially not during a time that’s supposed to be the happiest time in our lives. We were very lucky to have made all the financials work, and I was lucky that J gave his support to this crazy idea. Good thing he knows that a happy wife = a happy life.
While planning two weddings doesn't sound like the best financial decision, by not going for the "traditional" wedding that I originally had in mind (think: Napa, SF venue, etc.), we were able to save on certain parts of our budget and rework it so that we had our cake and ate it twice.
The cost of our two weddings ended up being similar in cost of some of the more pricey weddings we’ve been to. This is my story and I'm sticking to it. :D
In the past, I would stay away from talking about the financial side of this decision on this blog, but I'm just going to call it out given my new "Zero Fucks" mentality. Here's what the negative inner talk track sounds like as I make the decision to even share information like this so publically on the internet:
- What if people judge you for having two weddings? (My mom's favorite phrase to me to convince me I'm doing something bad: "What would people say???" I would ask her, who? Which people? 🙄Do I even know them? Why do I have to care about what they think?!?)
- There are people out there in the world who are barely getting by and here you are showing off your two weddings. You're such a spoiled brat.
But, I've started to realize that every single person is struggling with something in their lives, and I think it's important that we start sharing what that is. I don't want you to see this perfect image of what you think my life is like, without me also telling you about this crazy inner voice in my head that makes me feel more bad about myself than you would ever be able to make me feel.
So yes. I feel a little guilty about my decision to have two weddings. But also, I'm not harming anyone, and the wedding industry in the US is a $72B business for a reason. :)
Okay, this is the double happiness part of the story explained. I'll write some blog posts sharing actual details of the wedding later, because #inspo, but let me move on to the part of this wedding story that actually puts me at a lost for words.
Why I waited two years to share our wedding on the blog
Surprisingly, as if the long winded explanation of why J and I had two weddings was not enough, that isn't the plot twist. I was prepared to overshare about the two weddings on the blog. As self-conscious as I felt about having two weddings, I don't think it's so "OMFG" that I would keep myself from just putting it out there on the internet.So, why have I been pretty hush hush about our weddings? I didn’t even share an engagement photo on Instagram! That is very out of character for me, a wannabe “lifestyle” blogger - paying thousands of dollars to have these super cute pictures taken, but then not even posting them. WTF right?
Well, there’s a few reasons. The main one is that I have been spending some time emotionally dealing with this "plot twist" that I keep talking about. I’ve also been worried about what it sounds like to put these thoughts out on the internet. I wanted to be respectful to my family given that this is a very personal matter. Chinese people are all about ‘face’, and what I’m about to talk about will be VERY taboo (to them at least, not sure how everyone else might take it).
To my family members who end up reading this, I love you. Thank you for being the most supportive family ever. I think we’ve all been through a lot in the last few years, but I think it’s time that we evolve into a family that starts talking about our feelings instead of just pretending like everything's okay. Because, it’s not okay. I’m not okay.
I touched on this half a year ago in my blog post, Begin With The End in Mind, but I'm finally ready to tell you the story of our wedding. But first before I get to that part, I must talk about the death of my dear Uncle Kent that happened just two months before our wedding. BOOM.
Uncle Kent meant so much to me that I did not think it was okay for me to post these seemingly happy experiences (Weddings! Beauty gram life!), without first sharing with you the struggle behind the smiling faces.
More on that in the next blog post.
If you made it all the way down to the bottom of this very very long blog post, I want to say thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for letting me share.
Before I begin this blog post, I wanted to tell you why I'm trying to be more open and honest on this blog moving forward. 3 weeks ago, ...
