Note: I debated if I should publish this blog post since most of my posts lately have been so emo.Instead of spiraling into the dark hole of self doubt, I pinged a friend: “Should I delete this emo ass blog post and start getting back to regularly scheduled lighter content (food, travel, fitness, etc.)?”
She said, “Feel the feelings!” So, here you go, all the feels in real life. #mentalhealth 
This is a personal note about taking the time to stop and smell the (tulips) ๐ท๐ท๐ท.
A few months ago, one of my favorite YouTubers Ashley made this video and during the first 2 minutes, I thought: HOLY SHIT, this is me. This 21 year old is describing me, a grown person in her 30s who is clearly not as in touch with her own emotions. Ashley is so woke.
In case you don’t watch the video, Ashley is expressing her thoughts on why I might not be feeling as happy lately. She’s in a existential crisis because of the complete lack of milestones in her life after graduation. It’s easy to stay motivated when you’re in school because you know that you have to work hard, so you can pass all your finals, then so you get summer break, etc.
In other words, it’s easy to stay motivated when you have a clear-ish milestone in mind. It doesn’t really matter who gave you those milestones, it’s just easier to do what other people are telling you to do.
As a self-prescribed overachiever, I’m notorious for chasing milestones. I’m sure you’ve had this conversation before:
Me: “Why do I have to [do I this thing that I hate]?”
Parents/Society/Social Media: “So that when you become an adult, you can get a good job, get married, buy a house and have money to buy whatever you want!”
So here I am, age 33 and I’ve had the incredible priviledge to check off a lot of the boxes that people have given me:
โ Get a good job
โ Get married
โ Buy a house
โ Have money to buy what you want
โ WTF am I supposed to put on this list now?!
Unlike Ashley who figured out the source of her inner swirl at age 21, it took me another 10 years before I had the time to finally realize that maybe I’m starting to feel tired from chasing these artificial milestones in life. Don’t believe me? Here’s some milestones that I set up for myself when I turned 30 and a blog post about my progress: Update: 30 Things I Want To Do Before 30
Now I’m not necessarily saying that having goals in life is a bad thing. However, in the last few years I’ve just been thinking more and more like, what’s the point? I kept checking things off my list that I thought was going to give me some type of satisfaction only to find myself chasing after the next milestone.
On reflection, a lot of these milestones are other people’s milestones that I have on my list because it’s a sign to the outside world that you’re doing a good job at life. It’s probably easier to live life on autopilot based on society’s version of what a “good roadmap” is to follow than to come up with your own.
Side thought: Is “roadmap” tech jargon? Do normal people use the word “roadmap” in non-work situations? I honestly can’t tell anymore. ยฏ_(ใ)_/ยฏ
In the last 38 days of 2019, I’m going to make sure I take the time to slow down and be more intentional about how I spend my time to really enjoy the milestones.
Because, I guess the cliche is right … life is not about the destination, it’s about the journey. ๐คฏ
