Black Lives Matter: My Social Justice Journey
Thursday, October 8, 2020Oh shit... Am I racist?!
When Trump got elected in 2016, my world view got flipped upside down. How did such a despicable human being become elected to become the president of the United States? AND the majority of my relatives is Pro-Trump? This can't be.
I'll be honest in saying here that I decided not to spend Thanksgiving 2016 with any of my family, not even my parents. I had a small dinner with J, 2 close friends and a cousin. This is HUGE for me! You guys know how much family matters to me and how much I love Thanksgiving. But I couldn't face spending that much time with people who supported this world view. I felt too depressed about the whole situation, so I just wanted it all to go away.
But yet, here we are. 4 years later in 2020, and we as a collective United States is still seeing Trump as a viable option (family included, don't get me started). Trying to pretend that this isn't really happening didn't work. Me in 2016: “One day, it'd be like a miracle, it just will disappear.”
I have spent the last 4 years trying to understand how we got here. Nothing is ever black and white, so I wanted to better understand the messy grey area that we're in. Fundamental questions about our values and beliefs is now brought into question.
"Do you hate women?"
"Well, what do you think about that wall?! You remember that we're immigrants too right?!" "... we followed the rules and got here legally!"
The one question that I didn't really have to ask?
"Well, are you a racist?!"
I didn't have to ask because I already knew. As uncomfortable as it is for me to admit, my family is definitely racist. If you ask this question to an Asian kid (can I still call myself a kid? lol) in the United States, 9 out of 10 will probably admit that their family is racist.
But here's the kicker. Something that I didn't realize until about 2 years ago is that I am also racist.
This is not a position I would have taken if you asked me the same thing back in 2016. Because, racism is bad. I grew up in Oakland, how can I be racist? I don't hate black people. I don't see color. I treat everyone the same. ... Right!?

My Journey of Becoming More "Woke"
Lessons learned from this experience
- Don't unpack your inner racism against black people with a black person.
I know all of this might be new to you, but black people have been living this their whole lives. So don't be stupid like me and share stories about how you're not racist but... you're struggling with unlearning how to NOT be scared of black people given "XYZ" fact.
It is like telling someone to their face, "When I see someone who looks like you and people you know, I can't help but get scared." That's a YOU problem, and not a black person's problem. How insensitive and hurtful is that?
This is why black people are saying they are tired and we shouldn't be asking them how to get woke. Now, if someone actively engages you and asks for your opinion, sure you can probably share it. But don't go looking to a random black person you know just to get a POV.
My actionable steps to not mess up again:
Find your version of your "fam" to have meaningful conversations about race. You will have questions on where you are stuck. This is okay, we are all on a different part of our journey and you'll probably find someone who have similar questions as you, with similar lived experiences.
Now that it's 2020 and more people are interested in talking about this casually, you will likely find someone who will chat with you about this. - Why can't black people just work a little harder just like the rest of us hard working immigrants?
Something that I've also internalized growing up in Oakland, being an Asian immigrant is the idea of the American Dream: "Anyone can get ahead if they tried hard enough! Look at me, I did it! I went to Oakland High and did not get preferential treatment at all!"
Sure, that's true to some degree. I'm sure anyone can get ahead if they tried a little harder. But something that I have never truly considered while growing up is the privilege that I have of being an Asian girl - I'm harmless. What I understand my privilege as now is this: if you can drive down the street in Oakland and not have to worry about getting pulled over for absolutely no reason and be late to work, then you're living a privileged life.
Have you been pulled over before? Is it just an inconvenience for you? Maybe you get a ticket? Well if you're black, for one, this is more likely to happen to you more often. That's a fact. Many black people have shared that they have a protocol they follow to ensure that they stay safe just in case the police is scared of them. Black people are scared for your life when they get pulled over. They are not being dramatic here.
Me? Sure, I get scared from the sirens pulling up behind me and am scared of my confrontation with a cop. But I've never been scared for my life. Mainly I'm just annoyed that I might get a ticket and I late to wherever I'm trying to go.
I never truly internalized just how privileged I was until the last few years because I was just busy working to "get mine" as an immigrant and never considered that maybe, just maybe, I have it WAY easier than someone else who's also from my neighborhood and with the same access to limited resources. So yes, while black people can "just work a little harder", there's a lot of systemic issues that makes it A LOT harder than what meets the eye.
My actionable next steps:
Helping share this perspective with others who might have shared this mentality e.g. with my own family members who still think this. - This is a journey, be nice to people who might not know any better.
Looking back, a few years ago, I truthfully couldn't give you the reasons of why "All Lives Matter" is a racist statement. I'm glad no one shamed be for being clueless.
I actually saw an Asian business owner do this on IG back in June. She is for the BLM movement, but she just didn't know and used an #alllivesmatter hashtag because she thought it was interchangeable with #BLM. Her followers politely educated her on the difference and she changed it right away because she is also at the VERY beginning of her journey, but she wanted to stand in solidarity.
I'm not much further along in this journey, but enough to know that it's not productive to shame someone who is trying. No one is going to solve racism overnight and you're likely going to learn something new from someone who might just be a little bit further long in this journey than you are.
Let's just be nice to each other and slowly try to bring each other along. That's all we can really hope for right?
Actionable next steps: Really spend the time and listen to people on where they are at on their journey. I'm 2 years in, and I can tell you that I'm still having a really tough time getting some of these concepts straight. People will make mistakes and being a jerk to them won't help them along. No one likes to be wrong so are more likely to fight you instead of "become woke" overnight.
Continuous Learning


0 comments