How to Recover from Burnout: The Bathtub Model

Burnt Out? You Don’t Need a Bubble Bath, You Need to Clear the Drain

Okay, real talk: Have you ever laid on your couch at 2pm, completely frozen, Googling “how to recover from burnout” for the third time this week?

🙋🏻‍♀️ Yup. That’s been me. Multiple times.

If you found me by searching “How to Recover from Burnout” – first, I see you and I feel you. I know how desperate it feels to be in a constant state of burnout. You’re drowning in a never-ending to-do list but all you can do is lay on the couch and ask Google for advice. It feels hopeless.

Over the years, I’ve Googled ‘how to recover from burnout’ more times than I’d like to admit. Asking Google the same question over and over again is a lot like asking the magic 8 ball, “Will I ever recover from burnout?”

🎱: Outlook not so good.

The search results are a mixed bag. The worst advice? Those tone-deaf listicles that are like, “8 Reasons Why a Bubble Bath Will Solve All Your Problems 🛁”

TAKE A BUBBLE BATH? Don’t you know that California’s in a drought?

How am I supposed to relax when the planet is on fire, democracy feels like it’s hanging by a thread, and capitalism is squeezing us to be more productive while cutting headcount and acting like we should be grateful to still have jobs?

I know it’s a cruel world out there, and honestly? That makes managing burnout more critical than ever. We can’t control the planet burning or capitalism’s bullshit, but we can control how we handle our own stress. After dealing with burnout for years, I stumbled across something called The Bathtub Model of Stress – and it completely changed how I understood what was actually happening to me.

What is the Bathtub Model of Stress?

There’s a ton of burnout advice out there – exercise, set boundaries, rest, fix your habits. But for ADHD brains that get overwhelmed by too many options at once, we need a framework that shows us the order of operations.

The Bathtub Model helped me visualize what was actually happening. Here’s how it works:

Imagine that a bathtub represents your capacity to handle stress.

Let’s walk through what the stress bathtub looks like in an ideal scenario, when stress starts backing up, and finally panic mode: you didn’t pay attention and now your tub is overflowing.

The Ideal State: Water Flows In, Water Flows Out

In a normal situation when things are running smoothly, water (stress) comes into the tub, and water goes out (stress release). It functions so naturally that you don’t even think twice about how it works.

In an ideal world, the amount of stress coming into your stress bathtub equals the speed you’re able to get rid of it. Depending on how relaxed you’re feeling, the amount of water in your stress bathtub is constantly fluctuating.

As stressors in our life come and go, it’s natural for us to always have some water sitting in our stress bathtub. You’re fine as long as the water doesn’t get too high.

The Burnout State: The Overflow of Chaos

Sometimes you’ll have more stress than usual – a project deadline, a global pandemic, a family crisis. But if too much is going on, there are times when your workload and stress is coming in a lot faster than your ability to clear it.

In the Bathtub Model of Stress, this is like when your water is turned too high while your bathtub is already full, or if your drain is clogged. In a worst case scenario, both things are happening at once: you have so much stress coming into your life, AND you’re not able to manage the stress quickly enough.

If you don’t pay close attention to your stress bathtub, it will overflow and things become chaotic. You’re busy mopping up water on the floor when all you really wanted was to take a stupid bubble bath.

When I think about what burnout feels like, it feels like having a pipe that burst, a faucet that won’t turn off, and a clogged drain – all at the same time. Your tub is overflowing and you’re overwhelmed. You don’t have the tools to fix it and you have to turn to Google for help.

Is it any wonder that “taking a bubble bath” is bad advice when your bathtub has been clogged for god knows how long? Let’s be honest, when’s the last time you’ve had time to clean your tub? 🤢

Three Steps to Manage Burnout

Now that you get how the bathtub thing works, here’s the part that actually helped me stop drowning.

When your bathtub of stress is overflowing, you instinctively know what you have to do:

• 🚰 Step 1: Turn off the faucet – ruthlessly control the sources of stress in your life
• 🌀 Step 2: Wait for the water to drain – rest and movement
• 💁🏻‍♀️ Step 3: Clear the drain – figure out what bad habits are blocking your stress release system

Let me break down each step:

Step 1: Turn off the Faucet

Ruthlessly Control the Sources of Stress in Your Life

In the Bathtub Model of Stress, the faucet represents the different sources of stress in your life.

There’s often multiple sources of stress happening simultaneously: work, climate crisis, world leaders doing insane things, crushing expectations from your parents, your own negative self-talk, etc.

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to completely shut off all sources of stress. But you can get smart about how to triage the situation and reduce the flow.

Here’s what changed everything for me: I stopped trying to fix ALL my stress at once (spoiler: impossible) and started asking myself three questions about each stressor:

Can I control it? Can I influence it? Or am I just… worried about it?

Those three questions map to the Spheres of Control, Influence, and Concern:

1. Sphere of Control = Everything you can directly control
2. Sphere of Influence = Everything you can influence outside of your direct control (via relationships, work, etc.)
3. Sphere of Concern = Everything you are concerned with or care about, regardless of your power of control

✅ Sphere of Control

When your bathtub of stress is overflowing, the first and easiest step is: (repeat after me) Turn off the faucet.

When there are a million things stressing you out, figuring out what you can control will be the most impactful way to make things better.

When you’re burnt out, you have to be ruthless about where your energy goes.

Stop fighting battles you can’t win.

Focus on what you can actually control – starting with the basics.

Dr. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, famously wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

If you’re serious about getting out of a perpetual state of burnout, you have to start making space between stimulus and response. Do this by 1) becoming aware of the pattern that you’re in and how you got here in the first place, and 2) making a choice on what you want to do about it.

Here’s what you CAN control (even when everything feels out of control):

• Your free time – Are you taking time to rest? Are you sleeping enough? Or are you staying up too late binge-watching Netflix as a way to “relax”?
• Information you consume – Do you spend your day doom scrolling? Are you following accounts that make you feel awful after you read them, but there’s no direct action you can take from the news? How often are you using social media as a form of rest?
• People you surround yourself with – Are you spending time with people who drain your energy? Who are the toxic people in your life that you need to protect yourself from?
• Lifestyle & habits – Are you treating your body with nourishing foods and movement? Are you drinking enough water?
• Your own thoughts and mindset – Are you taming your inner critic or talking shit about yourself? How can you be more compassionate to yourself as you’re going through this tough phase?

Remember: Control = Awareness + Choice. Ask yourself questions to become aware of your patterns, and make the difficult choice to take care of yourself first.

💡 The Burnout Equation:
Control = Awareness + Choice
You can’t change what you don’t notice, and noticing alone doesn’t fix it.

I understand how hard it is to make healthier choices when you’re feeling burned out. So if that’s you right now, all I ask is that you start becoming more aware of your patterns and take this one step at a time.

You’ve got this! 💪 We can do hard things.

🤝 Sphere of Influence

The next category of stressors falls into the “Sphere of Influence” – everything you can influence outside of your direct control. Oftentimes, your sphere of influence is people you interact with on a regular basis: family, spouse, friends, and coworkers.

In a perfect world, we could completely shut down from all responsibility when we’re feeling burnt out. It’s natural to want to retreat from the world when you’re feeling down, but I’ve found that building meaningful connections with others actually lifts me up.

Here’s what boundaries might sound like in different areas of your life:

• Family/Parents – “I am unavailable to talk after work. Can we schedule a time to talk if it’s important?”
• Spouse – “I’m exhausted today. Can you please help me clean up?”
• Friends – “Thank you for inviting me to dinner this weekend, but I need some time for myself to decompress. Can you be sure to invite me next time?”
• Work – “I am over capacity right now. If we want to prioritize this new project, what should we deprioritize?”

Once you start creating more boundaries, you’ll quickly spot who’s toxic in your life. While you can’t always just cut out toxic people, you can make more time for those who lift you up and create more space between you and toxicity.

At the end of the day, remember: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch

🌍 Sphere of Concern

Finally, we have the sphere of concern: stress coming from things that are completely out of your control.

In the Bathtub Model of Stress, your sphere of influence is like having a leaky faucet, while your sphere of concern is like having a burst pipe. Unless you’re a literal plumber, all you can do is call for help and try not to panic while water floods your bathroom.

In our ever-connected world, we’re bombarded with so many things calling for our attention to worry about. One minute you’re watching food porn on IG stories and the next minute you’re facing an existential crisis questioning if you’re doing enough to fight against the many injustices of the world:

• Global pandemics
• Racism
• Climate change
• Capitalism
• Patriarchy
• Politics & war

On my journey to recover from burnout, I found that it helped to file these concerns under: things that stress me the fuck out but I can’t do much about.

Look, I’m not saying ignore climate change or pretend the world isn’t on fire. I’m saying: when you’re actively drowning, you can’t save anyone else.

So I started asking myself: “Am I taking the actions I actually CAN take?” If yes, then I had to practice letting go of the anxiety spiral. Because doom scrolling at 11pm wasn’t helping anyone – not me, not the planet, not anyone.

The best way to handle your sphere of concern? Figure out your ONE action, then let the anxiety go.

I found this framing by @ohhappydani super helpful:

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A post shared by Danielle Coke Balfour (@ohhappydani)

In this framework, I’m taking individual action to be the “amplifier” or “advocate.” After I take direct individual action (e.g., donating to a cause), I’ll share what I feel is important to help amplify marginalized voices and try to share direct action that others in my sphere of influence can take.

After I do this, I work on letting my anxiety go. I recognize that when I’m feeling burnout, I’m not in a position to make a massive impact on institutional and systemic issues.

Step 2: Wait for the Water to Drain

Rest and Movement to Process What’s Already There

Now that you’ve figured out how to turn off the faucet in your overflowing bathtub of stress, there is only ONE thing you can do when your bathtub is full but your drain is clogged.

You have to just sit and wait for the water to drain out naturally.

Even with a clogged drain, if you turn off the faucet, eventually the water level goes down. It’s slow, it’s annoying, but it happens. That’s what rest does – it lets your body process the stress that’s already there.

But here’s the catch (and why I kept burning out): if your drain’s actually clogged, the water drains SO SLOWLY that it feels like nothing’s working.

Listen, I have NO CHILL. Like, zero. So when I tell you that rest is the answer, trust me – I fought this advice HARD.

In a world where your worth = your productivity (ahem capitalism), doing nothing feels like failing. I get it. Your ADHD brain is screaming that you should be DOING something.

But rest is the best advice I can give you during this stage. As a society, we’re moving away from wearing “busy” like a badge of honor and redefining hustle culture. Do the inner work to embrace that rest is productive.

⚠️ One Word of Caution: Don’t Turn the Faucet Back On Too Soon

During this time, you might feel bursts of energy because you feel well-rested. However, please for the love of yourself, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT turn the faucet back on just yet. Your tub might look like it’s ready to take on more water, but let me remind you – your drain is still clogged and your tub is nasty AF because of years of stress buildup.

If you’ve ever taken a shower with a clogged drain, you know what I’m talking about.

If you keep showering even though you know you have a clogged drain, the first few times it might look okay. However, each time you shower, you’ll see the water is draining slower and slower.

Then one day you’ll be shampooing your hair and see your feet covered in a pool of soapy water. At this moment, you’ll have to make the decision to cut your relaxing shower short because if you don’t turn off the faucet right away, the shower will flood or you’ll be standing in an uncomfortable amount of dirty soap water the whole time.

So do it now, or do it later, but eventually, you’ll have to move on to the next step.

💪 Why Physical Movement Matters

Okay, I know you’ve heard this before: “Just exercise! It’ll help with stress!” And you’re like, “Cool, but I literally cannot get off the couch.” Same.

That’s how I felt too until I learned about the stress hormone cycle in Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski.

As it turns out, there is a very scientific reason why you need to physically move to release the buildup of stress in your body. Stress is a neurological and physiological response triggered by a perceived threat.

You’ve probably heard of the fight-or-flight response your body experiences in times of stress or danger. Say… when you encounter a lion. 🦁

Here’s how the stress hormone cycle works:

When your brain notices a threat, it activates a generic “stress response,” which triggers the epinephrine hormone in your body (aka adrenaline). With adrenaline running through your system, blood is pushed into your muscles, your blood pressure and heart rate go up, your muscles tense, and your breathing quickens.

All the neurological and hormonal responses that accompany stress are designed to help you do one thing: run.

With the increased adrenaline, you’re able to push through any bodily discomfort you might feel. That’s because all other body functions like growth, digestion, reproduction, and immunity are all slowed down. Your body stays in this high-alert stressed state until you use the adrenaline built up in your body.

Here’s the kicker: It can take up to 72 hours for your body to get rid of stress hormones naturally. During this time, your other body functions are still slowed down.

🦁 The Lion Principle:
Your body doesn’t know the difference between a lion chasing you and a passive-aggressive Slack message. Both trigger the same stress hormones—but only one requires you to actually run.

The only way to quickly get rid of stress hormones from your body is physical movement.

6 Ways to Release Stress Hormones

• 🏃‍♀️ Physical activity – On days where I’m exhausted, I still try my best to go on a 30-minute walk. In the past, I would have felt guilty for not “working out,” but ANY physical activity is better than none. You can have a dance party, jump up and down, punch a pillow. Since there’s stress buildup in your body, doing something physical is the best.
• 🤗 Physical affection – If you don’t live with someone you can hug, you can schedule a massage. Studies also show that time with a pet can boost your well-being. Don’t have a pet? Go to the park and see if someone will let you play with theirs. 😉
• 😂 Laughing – They say laughter is the best medicine. Go turn on a funny Netflix comedy special and have a big belly laugh.
• 😭 Crying – Crying is always a good form of stress release. There’s a lot of tension that’s built up in your body. Babies cry because it’s good for them, so you should definitely try it sometime.
• 🎨 Do something creative – My source of creativity is taking pictures of delicious food. Find something that brings you joy creatively and lean into it!
• 🧘🏻‍♀️ Deep breathing – I love doing box breathing exercises. It’s one of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system when you’re stressed. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. I use it before meetings, especially if I have to present. It calms down my nervous energy and helps me feel more grounded.

Side note: I know there are other ways to release stress from your body, but be mindful of developing healthy coping mechanisms (e.g., the ones listed above) vs. less healthy ways to destress (e.g., food, alcohol, drugs, binging endlessly on Netflix/social media).

Step 3: Clear the Drain

Fix the Habits That Block Your Stress Release System

Okay, so you’ve turned off the faucet, you’ve rested, and the water level in your stress bathtub is finally going down. You’re feeling better.

But then… it happens again. The tub fills up faster than you expected. And you’re thinking, “Wait, didn’t I just fix this?”

That’s when I realized: the drain was still clogged.

The drain represents your body’s natural stress management system. And after years of burnout, mine was completely blocked up with old habits that I didn’t even realize were problems.

To fully recover from burnout, you need to fix the drain. In the Bathtub Model of Stress, you know that there’s always going to be stress flowing in, so you also need to have a stress management system in place to allow the stress to flow out.

As you develop your stress management toolkit, here are a few things to know:

🔄 Replace Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms with Healthier Ones

Before I understood the stress hormone cycle, I would come home exhausted and just collapse on the couch. I’d scroll Instagram for hours, order takeout, maybe have a glass of wine (or three). I thought I was “resting.”

But here’s what was actually happening: The stress hormones were still sitting in my body. I wasn’t processing them – I was just numbing myself until bedtime.

The last few years, I’ve gotten REAL honest with myself about what lifestyle habits don’t serve me anymore in my 30s. I’ve been really focused on prioritizing better habits so I can thrive, not just survive.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect now. It means I’m aware. When I catch myself doom scrolling at 11pm, I can ask: “Is this helping my drain or clogging it further?”

Usually, it’s clogging it.

↔️ Expand the Size of Your Drain: Build Resilience

When you’re in a state of constant stress and burnout, your resilience wears down, and it’s easy to fall into a negative state of mind, just reacting to whatever’s coming your way.

In Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he talks about Proactive Focus and Reactive Focus. When you focus your energy on things you can control and influence, you expand your ability to make effective and positive changes.

On the other hand, if all your energy and focus goes into those things you cannot change, your source of power shrinks. You’re draining your energy fighting against things that are outside of your control. You’re spiraling in a negative mindset, and that’s going to continue to be your reality.

Notice that focusing on your circle of control and influence expands your capacity to handle stress, while focusing on your circle of concern collapses your capacity.

This is the difference between having a drain that can handle normal life stress versus having a drain that gets overwhelmed by everything.

Frequently Asked Questions

⏰ How long does it take to recover from burnout?

Honestly? It depends on how clogged your drain is and how long you’ve been in burnout.

If you just hit burnout recently and you catch it early, you might feel significantly better in a few weeks with proper rest. But if you’ve been running on empty for years (like I was), it can take months to fully recover.

The key is: don’t rush it. The water needs to drain completely before you turn the faucet back on.

🤷‍♀️ What if I can’t control my stress sources?

I get it. You can’t quit your job, you can’t stop caring for your kids, you can’t magically make your difficult family members disappear.

Start with what you CAN control: your information diet, your sleep schedule, your movement routine. Even if you can only turn the faucet down to a trickle instead of shutting it off completely, that’s progress.

😔 Is burnout the same as depression?

No, but they can overlap. Burnout is specifically related to chronic stress and feeling overwhelmed. Depression is a clinical condition that affects your mood, energy, and ability to function.

If you’ve been burnt out for a long time and now you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, please talk to a mental health professional. There’s no shame in getting help.

🔮 Can I prevent burnout from happening again?

Yes – that’s what Step 3 is all about. Once you clear your drain and understand your stress management system, you can spot the warning signs earlier.

For me, it’s when I start skipping workouts, staying up too late scrolling, and getting irritable over small things. Now when I notice those patterns, I know it’s time to turn off the faucet before the tub overflows again.

Self-Care in Our Cruel World: Be Kind to Yourself

At the end of the day, only you will know how full your bathtub is, how much water is flowing in, and what you’re doing to keep the drain flowing.

If you’re not paying attention to your own stress levels and communicating them with others at work, at home, with your friends – there’s no way they can know that a small bucket of water can create a messy situation.

We live in a cruel world, and for better or worse, technology has made it easier for us to see and hear from different people who we never had exposure to before. As you work on building your mental and physical resilience, please remember to check in on yourself.

Self-care is so important, and I hope you’ve found the Bathtub Model of Stress framework helpful in learning how to manage your stress and recover from burnout.

The good news is that our capacity as humans to handle stress is huge. If you manage your stress well, then you’ll be able to keep it flowing and you’ll be able to prevent your tub from overflowing from daily events and stressors that enter your life.

As you’re taking time to recover from burnout, please remember to be kind to yourself.

You’re only one human. Yes, we can continue working on our capacity to handle stress and be more productive. We live in a hustle culture that keeps wanting us to be more, do more – but remember that rest is productive too.

At the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself.

So if you’re still reading this, you deserve a break. I think you deserve… dare I say… a bubble bath?

What’s Next?

If you found this helpful, here are some ways to continue your burnout recovery:

• 📥 Download my free Cleanse Guide to start controlling what goes into your body (Sphere of Control, remember?)
• 📱 Follow me on Instagram @shellyinreallife for more ADHD-friendly wellness tips
• 💌 Share it with a friend who might be drowning right now

Remember: You can’t strategy your way out of burnout. Start with your body (State), understand what’s happening (Story), then build better systems (Strategy).

You’ve got this. 💪

This post contains concepts from “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, and “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. Graphics created via Gemini’s Nano Banana.